Friday, November 8, 2013

No Skinny Girls Please!

Have you ever taken a close look at the ads Facebook generates for you? 
I had not paid the slightest bit of attention until all these started popping up recently:

First of all: Thank you, Facebook, for reminding me that I am single. As if I don't get made aware of that every damn day.

Secondly: Fuck you, Mark Zucka-whatever. Who said you could come all up into my life? I mean, is someone actually sitting there scrutinizing me so much to the point that they think that I need some meat head claiming they accept "curvy women only?" 


How did Facebook generate these ads? Was it based on my search history outside of Facebook? Was it some technologically advanced picture screening machine that told their marketing department I am a fat single girl? No matter how it's done, it's offensive. 

Coincidentally enough I recently watched the documentary "Big as Life" on the Discovery Channel. I didn't like it.  I found myself getting very angry at the people featured in it, and at obesity in general. There was one part in the movie where this very overweight lady was discussing the whole "BBW" thing ("Big Beautiful Woman"). Please understand that I am not discrediting people's ability to love themselves, no matter what body they're in- that's not what this is about. I have mad respect for those men and women.

 Yes, there are some men out there who genuinely prefer "curvy" or "thick" women over skinny women. And I am thankful for them, as I will never be "skinny." Thin and healthy, yes. But skinny- ain't gonna happen. The clouded belief that obesity is beautiful is so messed up that I just cannot begin to fathom it. I think it comes from my years and years of self-loathing because of  the body I have put myself in.
 I will NEVER be able to love my body as long as I am as big as I am. I don't love this body because I know it isn't me. It is a form of me that I am hiding under as I deal with a whole bunch of crap in my head.
If I don't love my body, how can I expect a man to? 

In that documentary there was some sort of fat women's support group. One of the girls talked about how there was a whole section of their group devoted to men who only want big girls. There were women who were literally over 400 pounds saying that they were beautiful and that they've never had any problems in the "man" department. One woman who was almost 500 pounds says that she lost a lot of weight at one point and "didn't like it." She claims she didn't like the way her face looked because she could see her cheek bones for the first time. I'm sorry, but I call bullshit. Big time. 
The reason we are obese is because we are out of control. It may not be "food addiction" or some sort of technical disease, but the lack of control is the underlying factor. 

These women who claim they are BBW... if they TRULY love themselves and can be 100% OK with their 200 pound overweight bodies, then props to them. Seriously. I mean that.
 I never got to the point where I was willing to accept that the fact that I was happy at 330 pounds. 
Note: Please realize that I am not talking about women who are just overweight here, I am talking about women who are actually "obese," like myself.
 We don't get to the point where we weigh 300,400,500 pounds because we just have so much love for ourselves!

There is nothing pretty about heart disease and diabetes. 
There is nothing pretty about not being able to fit into an airplane seat.
There is nothing pretty about not being able to play with your kids.
There is nothing pretty about getting laughed at because of your folds.
Most importantly: there is nothing pretty about a fupa. 

It is not pretty and sexy to tip the scales. STOP glamorizing obesity. 

Is this sexy? No.

Here I am in my underwear. I am putting myself out there for those of you who may be afraid of what your mirror might say about you. I will probably regret this picture later, lol--  but if I can encourage just ONE of you to join me in this journey, then I have won the day.

Face the truth.

 I am not saying that I think every fat person should starting hating themselves right now. 
What I am saying is that we have to stop making excuses for ourselves for being unhealthy. It is NOT someone else's problem that there is no room for them on a bench because I am overlapping into their personal space.It is MY problem that I have allowed myself to get to this point.

Instead of giving into the notion that we are just "big and beautiful," and that's the way it is, we need to BELIEVE that we are worth the effort of getting healthy. 

Yes, there might be a man out there who loves you for who you are, no matter what size you are. But do you really want a man who only wants you because you are fat? That just sounds crazy to me! Why in the world would someone want to be in a relationship solely based on the amount of cellulite someone has? And how is that any different from a man saying they only date skinny women? 

Love yourself first. But love yourself because you are being the best that you know you can be.


  1. I've found that other sites also run ads based on things that you have previously searched, and personally I think it is pretty creepy not to mention a total invasion of privacy.

    As far as obese women loving themselves I see what you are seeing to a point. I think that it is important to love yourself no matter what wait you are at, but the fact of the matter is that some of these people are too happy with themselves, and they aren't even working to lose weight, eat healthy, and get in shape, and that is not okay. If they love themselves like that then more power to them, but personally I don't love the way that my body looks in the mirror and I am trying to change that. But hey, to each their own I guess! I hope you had a great weekend!

  2. Hi Lori, I liked your post as it is so honest and to the point. I always knew that as long as I don't love myself and my body nobody else would love me. And actually, there were guys who told me they loved me. I didn't believe any of them. "How can they love me when I look like this?" I kept asking myself over and over again. And the only logical conclusion was that they were lying. For some reason. So I just kept this high wall around me, always suffering after every break-up and not able to feel loved. It is so messed up. So messed up. But I know it's supposed to be not 'I am gonna love myself when I am thin', it's 'I must love myself to be thinner'. As long as I don't love myself, as long as I don't accept myself as I am, I will keep punishing myself and not believing someone might actually love me for what I am. I look at all those bigger girls and I am jealous that they look so happy, that they believe they are loved as they are (and they usually are). You see, I don't think being able to control every single aspect of your life means loving yourself. At least not to those happy bigger girls.
    However I do understand where you coming from. I feel I won't be loved as long as I weigh what I do now. It's about my inner belief, not about other people, not about the guys. But you are right, loving someone just because they fall into BBW category is creepy. I am not my body. If someone likes me or loves me just because of my body, then I don't need them in my life.
    And Lori, I think you look great in that picture. I honestly think that, not some "support" crap. You don't have to be stick thin, you don't have to be a magazine cover thin to be beautiful. And I think you are :)

  3. I absolutely love that last sentence, I'm all about loving yourself because you are being the best you can possibly be.

    As an overweight woman I don't necessarily think it's nice to see all these 'bbw' ads on Facebook. And I agree, glamorizing obesity is NOT going to help the problem!

  4. I agree with everything you wrote. Ive been fat for 12 years now and my folds are not sexy or beautiful. You know when I was the most sexy and beautiful? When I was fit and healthy.

  5. I agree with everything you said. No, I don't hate myself, I actually love myself. I am not happy with my size, but I am not a horrible person because of it. I eat for a reason, I am overweight for a reason and it is not because I think being fat is sexy.

  6. Yeah, I wouldn't get too worked up over ads, they are all designed to manipulate us and if you take the time to over-analyse any ad, you will come to the conclusion that the person who designed the ad was purposefully trying to shit on your brain.

    As for that picture of you in your undies, from the perspective of a non-overweight, late-20s guy, yeah, I think that pic is sexy; I do like fat chicks, to put it bluntly -- even preferentially (in general). But I have my limits; I'm not into "feeding" or "gaining" or morbid obesity, but fat girls tend to be more curvy and I like that, so I guess I have a broader weight/body size & shape range that I am attracted to, than what most guys have.

    Everyone has their sexual preferences, which they can no more easily change than their preference/tastes for food -- it's their biology. If some guy is only interested in BBWs, then I'm sure he can find someone for him. I wouldn't get upset about it if I were you. The kind of people we're attracted to tends not to be based on any rational decision-making, so why try to reason people out of those decisions and try to apply logic to it? We like who like, whether it be because they're funny or fat, and we ain't gonna be happy if we settle for anything less.