Tuesday, January 21, 2014

The Fear of "Being Found Out"

"One of our greatest fears is the fear of being found out. It's why we spend so much time posturing and pretending to be someone we're not. We spend so much time trying to cover the mistakes of our past that we truly don't even know who we are anymore. While we fear being found out, we simultaneously long to be fully known and fully loved. But here's the problem: you can only be loved to the extent that you are known." -Pete Wilson

Isn't that a great quote? My biggest fears aren't tangible. While I had rather not have a snake or a mouse cross my path, I'm not "scared" of them. Heights, deep water, darkness, zombies, vampires, big foot... ....meh. I can do with or without. What I am afraid of is people "finding out" what I dub "the real me." My binge habits, the messiness and the clutter in my house that pair themselves with one of my binges. Or the fact that sometimes when I'm really depressed and lazy I just slide my porch door open and let Ziggy "go" out there instead of giving him the attention and the exercise he deserves with a walk.

Andy Stanley says that the "reason we fear the consequences of confession is because we've yet to realize the consequences of concealment."

I am fearful of someone walking in my house and seeing my dishes piled up or the clutter all over the place. I'm normally a VERY neat and organized person... unless I've gone on a binger. I have not dealt with the "consequences of concealment" because I just simply don't let people in my house during these times. I am able to hide it. I conceal it. Therefore, I am afraid of what will happen if I confess these habits to someone. What will they think? Will I become nasty to them? Will they treat me like I deserve to be on an episode of hoarders or something?

If we are hiding our bad habits from the people who love us, we are not letting them love the whole us. Their love stops at that point where we close the door on them. For me, the love and support of my friends and family is my biggest support system. How can I expect them to do their job as cheerleaders if they don't see the whole picture? I'm not saying that you should leave your house in a rat-infested wreck just to "admit" it to someone, but confessing that you are hiding things is the first step towards letting someone in to a part of you that has been quarantined and cut off for a very long time. Do you eat while your spouse is sleeping? Do you sneak off and get fast food when someone thinks you're running errands? Do you eat the leftovers off of your family's plates while you're cleaning up? Do you stash candy away for future cravings?

Stop hiding. Face your fears head on and let them go away.

Here's an example of a fear I overcame: I don't know why, but all of a sudden in college I started getting extremely nervous when I had to stand in front of the class and give presentations and speeches (hard to believe, I know).  I had spoken and performed in front of people my entire life and I loved being on center stage! I've played my cello in front of hundreds of people hundreds of times and loved each time. I remember the day that fear got the best of me--- it was in my first marketing class. I don't remember what the speech was, but I was soooo nervous. I shook, my voice was shaky, I stumbled over my words... I was a hot mess. I could not for the life of me figure out why I was so nervous. Since I knew that I was going to be entering a career where I had to present myself in front of a lot of people, I wasn't having it. For the rest of college I volunteered to be the speaker for every group project, I spoke at my sorority meetings, I did anything I could do to help me overcome this fear that just came out of no where. It was very scary the first several times after that marketing speech. I was afraid the night before, the morning of, and during. Even afterwards I was still rattled. But I kept doing it until that fear was gone. I was STILL SPEAKING while I was afraid. I grasped fear and fought it. Now I give a presentation every single day at work and I love it!

I could not have overcome my fear of speaking in public had I not thrown myself in the ring and fought it. I would still be scared to this day.

Think about something you are afraid of. What have you done to fight that fear? The fear that's associated with our food addiction, binge eating disorder, unhealthy habits, etc... is the only thing keeping us from overcoming. If we are afraid of what lies on the other side, why in the world would we want to cross the bridge that takes us there? Who knows what waits for us! But isn't it better to try crossing the bridge and taking a look, than to stand there wondering for the rest of our lives? Think about how much time you've already wasted wondering how much better your life might be if you finally lost the weight you've been carrying around for 10 years? I mean, if you absolutely hated being thinner and healthier, you could always just go back to your fatter and more miserable self, right?

I am afraid of what I will do when I give up my habits. If I never binge again, what will I look forward to? I enjoy sitting my ass on my couch watching tv with a big bowl of cheesy pasta by myself.
Wait a minute, that sounds horrible when I say that out loud. "Sitting on my ass watching tv with a big bowl of cheesy pasta...by myself." Ugh. If someone gave me 3 choices of how I could spend my afternoon and that was one of them I would laugh.
Point being: How can I be afraid of losing something that I don't even really  want to be doing in the first place?

Isn't losing weight just one big session of overcoming fears? Trying new food, doing new exercises, eating less, eating more, drinking less, drinking more water, finding accountability...These are all things that seem scary at first. But just like my fear of speaking- I am willing to face the fear of losing weight head on. I'm tired of wondering how wonderful my life could be if I finally crossed the bridge. No more hiding behind my fear.


  1. I actually love that quote. I know I find it hard to open up and be vulnerable for fear of being 'found out'. Thank you for this, I really needed it :)

  2. I love reading all your blog posts! They hit home for me all the time. Thanks for all your encouraging posts Lori!
    ITB, Nikki

  3. Thanks for the post. Thanks for being so vulnerable. You are an inspiration!

  4. We all have habits, the thing is that most of our habits are bad. Like sitting on the couch eating cheesy pasta lol but it is soooo tasty.

  5. I think having something really meaningful (to you) and valuable (to you) is really important in helping you keep things in perspective, focusing on what is important, putting aside fears, being patient, and working towards goals. If your thoughts are, "What will I do if I can't sit around and eat pasta and watch TV?" then you will get in trouble :/

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  7. I'm definitely with you, I have this fear too. But I guess that's the beauty of being a human being, we have our imperfections and insecurities, and that's where our greatest strength lies.

  8. Love this post. It is so hard to express our fears and you did such a great job. One of my biggest fears was not being able to loose weight with a clean lifestyle and exercise. I platued around my last ten pounds. Then I started taking TA-65. An all natural supplement that helps reverse the aging process. Since then my hair, skin, and weight have improved! Check it out for yourself Liz! You’re transformation is amazing! I love that you use WW as your support. I was having a really hard time loosing weight until I switched to TA-65. TA-65 is an all natural supplement that helps reverse the aging process, leading to weight loss, better skin, hair, and overall health. Check it out at http://www.rechargebiomedical.com/

  9. The quote by was great and is really insightful when it comes to the human psyche, I enjoyed reading this post because you are able to articulate some intangible feelings in clear, succinct ways that I can't hope to match. Great Post!

  10. Very inspirational! I have that fear too and reading your blog relates my own situation particularly in my diet. Thanks for sharing!