Thursday, March 29, 2012

Mean Girls (and Boys)

I have been called fat my entire life. Even when I was a size 8 cheerleader and soo not fat, I got made fun of for being fat. I've always been able to just tell people to shove it and move on, but lately it's really been pissing me off. I think it's because I am now in my late 20's and i've realized that people are still just as mean now as they were in junior highschool. I was recently informed that a former co-worker called me a "water buffalo." This person is someone I loved and trusted. This is not something you would say to a friend. I want to take a moment to genuinely thank everybody that has been supportive of me along my journey and that has shown me unconditional love. I just can't imagine how self conscious people must be that they have to put others down the way they do. I have been sorting through my life the past few months doing a lot of spring cleaning. I've thrown away toxins from my body, food in my house that's bad for me, i'm trying to throw away bad habits, and now I think it's time to throw away bad people. I don't want to be fake with anyone, and I don't want anyone to be fake with me. Either come into my life and support me or go away. If you are there for me, I will be there for you. My mom calls bad friends "basement friends" because they are constantly bringing you down. This whole weight loss journey is so much more than dropping weight for me. I have to learn how to surround myself with all the good and shiny things that keep me at my best. Mean girls and boys are not good or shiny.

Running!!! @#$#^%$%^U&$%^@#

I don't get it- how do all you people run? I've attempted to run the past two days and so far the longest distance I've been able to go without stopping is half a mile. I walked a mile and half today and then finished it off with jogging the last half mile. I was so worn out I was still sweating the first hour I was at work. AND i took a cold shower! When I say run, it was more like I was "yogging." You know, jogging with a silent j. I have a great running route right outside my front door. From my front door, to a little past Broadway, it is exactly one mile. There are few good little hills along the way too. It felt great being out there in the sun, but i have to admit, I am officially freaking out about the running part of this triathlon. But, one good way to look at is that if I can complete a quarter of the running segment already and its only week one, than that's gotta be pretty good, right? I was supposed to swim today, but after last night's attempt, I decided that I needed to be on my feet today.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Doing this Thang

I biked 6.71 miles yesterday! I'm amazed that i'm not even sore today. I mapped out the biking course for the triathlon and I think i'll be able to do it with my cruiser bike. Yesterday I learned that there will be other challenges than just the uphill segments. Braking a bike without gears is killer on your thighs when you've already gone 4 miles! I m going to have to train going downhill a lot before i'm ready. I also noticed that I had a deathgrip on my handlebars- I'll need some gloves. Today I train for the running segment. My goal is to just finish two miles, even if I have to walk a lot of it. I've done very well with eating so far this week. Last night I had a 270 calorie lunchable for dinner and it was surprisingly filling and delicious! Sometimes, you just gotta switch it up! [image_0] I'm learning that I need new habits when I get off work so I don't eat when I get home. I've been painting my nails a lot the minute I get home; this is great because I don't want to rummage through my pantry with wet nails. It's perfect timing too, because if I make it over that 30 minute hump when I get home, i'm good. It's those first 30 minutes i'm home that I battle with. What kind of habits have you formed when you're at home to keep you from mindlessly eating?

Tuesday, March 27, 2012


I know I've said this a few times already, but I am so excited that my cravings truly have changed. It is amazing to me how our bodies communicate with us when we give them the chance. I don't eat a lot of meat as it is, but with it being Great Lent, I've especially had to follow my body's cues. I was really craving protein, so I loaded up the crockpot with black beans, onions, green peppers and seasoning and made a delicious black bean soup. Of course, I topped it with sour cream (light) and some cheddar. The old me would've either eaten a burger or chicken fingers.
I get so excited about packing my lunches for work! I look forward to chopping veggies and whipping some yummy dipping sauce. Having fun containers and lunch bags makes it even better :)

Monday, March 26, 2012

Escaping Reality

My triathlon training began today! I am so pumped about this! I swam half a mile and it felt goooood. I could've kept going, but one of the downsides of living and working out downtown is those damn parking meters! I had to leave and feed the beast. There's just something about swimming that sets me free. I think I have finally found my workout niche. For some it's running, for some it's biking, but me... swimming. I am 100%confident about the swimming portion of the tri, semi-confident about the biking segment. It's the running that is giving me night sweats. I've never been a good runner. I've always been a better sprinter that an endurance runner. I ran about 50 yards on Saturday and thought I was going to pass out for sure. I have started a TRIVOLUTION!!! I've got several girlfriends that are all pumped about doing it with me. One friend actually told me that I am her idol. IDOL! When I asked her why she told me how proud she is of me and she is amazed that I am up for this challenge. All my skinny friends keep telling me that I would kick their ass in the race and I keep telling them that they're crazy. "Just wait 'till you see me attempting to run, then you'll see." I hear all the time from people that they are so impressed with my swimming skills. And to me, I keep thinking "wth are you talking about? I don't have any swimming skills!" Swimming just comes so easy for me. A guy I know asked me if I can do the butterfly and I was like "duh." He was impressed. I think I finally believe people when they tell me that I am a talented swimmer. So, I guess I found my escape from reality. Kenny Chesney's song "Reality" kept popping in my head while I was swimming today, especially the line: "everybody has their way to somehow escape." Here's the link to the song if you are clueless as to what I'm talking about:

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

I'm Giving it a Tri!

This time last year I had started my training for a triathlon. I had one I was going to sign up for but then I moved. The mile I swam on Sunday has inspired me to start my training again. I actually found a mini triathlon I'm going to sign up for. It's in May. At work today I told a few folks about this and they were just amazed. These are the little things that keep me motivated and encouraged. I mapped out the bike trail and the running trail and I cannot wait to start training for it! It is a really miniature triathlon: 200 meter pool swim / 8.5 mi bike / 2 mi run. I am hoping to get this done in an hour and a half. I am a little worried about my bike and if I'll be able to make up the hills. One of them looks pretty nasty. My bike is a cruiser, so I have no gears! I'll give it a shot and here's hoping!

Monday, March 19, 2012

Just Keep Swimming, Oh Yeah

I swam a mile yesterday! It took me damn near an hour, but I did it. I haven't done this in close to a year. All I kept saying to myself was just keep swimming, just keep swimming, oh yeah yeah yeah (please tell me you got the Finding Nemo reference there). I felt really good about it, especially when a super in shape guy jumped in my lane and started up a conversation about how he was going to try and make it through a kilometer (which is 40 laps in my gym's pool. A mile is 66). I thought to myself: a kilometer? I've almost finished that and I'm not even tired yet! I was on lap 33. He didn't finish the kilometer. Not that I was counting, he told me he couldn't do it. I love it when me, all 300 pounds of me, out exercises someone that looks like they're in great shape. The super in shape dude also told me that he had already biked 5 miles that day and was pretty tired. I can bike 5 miles no problem! Was this dude sent into my lane just to boost my ego? Because it just doesn't seem physically possible that I could keep up with him on a bike. I'm pretty sore today, but it's a good kind of sore, the kind that proves to me that I can exercise like a hard core athlete and my body doesn't reject it. I went to the grocery store last night and I am so excited about all the healthy meals I'm going to cook this week (recipes/pictures coming soon). With all this basketball I've been craving chicken wings bad. I baked some last night and they were really good. They're not as tasty as sports bar wings, but they were good and weren't fried. I'm still nursing my foot (no, I haven't gone to the doctor yet), so I'm still off of P90x2. But you know what? I cannot WAIT to get back started on it again! I love how I am actually looking forward to exercise and cooking healthy foods now. I also love that I can exercise hardcore, impressing people that judge me on the outside. I can't wait to see what fitness goals I can accomplish once I get this layer of blubber off of me!

Friday, March 16, 2012

Break yo fast, fool!

I don't know why I avoid breakfast so much! Here it is, 11:45, and I am not the slightest bit hungry. But I know that I should have eaten breakfast hours ago! I wish I could reverse my hunger patterns to be starving in the morning and not hungry at all once the sun goes down. Here are some breakfasts I have enjoyed:

Grapes and grapefruit, omlette and parmesan crusted tomatoes with acai berry punch.

Wheat french toast egg sandwich with grapefruit.

This looks gross, but actually really good. Thin omlette wheat sandwich with grilled tomatoes and onions, red potatoes, with a feta sun dried tomato drizzle.

Now, I know these all might not be the healthiest choices on the menu, but they're hearty and seem to keep me fuller throughout the afternoon, causing me to eat less later. This coming week I challenge myself to get up early and break my fast!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

That Moment When...

-I can cross my legs comfortably -I can wear a dress comfortably -I can wear shirts without having to wear tank tops under them -I can shop anywhere other than Old Navy, Ross, and the fat section of any store -I can wear high heels without having to yell "cannon ball" if i slip -I can sit in theater/theatre/auditorium seats comfortably -I can wear jeans without worrying if the damn button is going to pop off! -I can fly comfortably without fearing I will need a seat belt extender -I can sit in bar stools comfortably -I can run without fearing I could blow a joint out -I can go dancing without feeling like everyone is disgusted by me -I can wear sleeveless shirts comfortably -I can wear shorts -I can get my hair cut without getting grossed out by own reflection with that stupid apron thingy around my neck -I can choose what I WANT to wear, not what I CAN wear ----These are all the moments I can't wait for.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

March Madness

This weekend did not set a good precedence for the rest of the month. I had a 3 day weekend and my best friend was in town. We ate really poorly and only exercised once (zumba). This coming weekend is St. Patty's Day and 2 other friends are coming to visit and then 2 other friends are visiting the next weekend. I'm not going to beat myself up about it, I'm just going to have to be really good the rest of this week. I can't completely deprive myself of eating and drinking what I want, but I can learn to control it. I'm already making big changes. I.E. I said I ate really poorly this weekend, right? Well, we did, but I did not eat anything fried all weekend and we cooked in the crock pot twice. It's amazing how much my definition of "bad foods" has changed. I'm coming back to this post to edit it...I forgot I did eat fried foods once. After a night out on the town Saturday night we went to Paradise Park Food stand. I honestly was not hungry and almost didn't order anything. Everyone I was with ordered food, so I did. I got a sandwich and cheese tots. I totally didn't even want it and was not hungry! I gave into peer pressure and caved. The fact that the thought of not ordering food was playing very loudly in my head is a sign to me that I am changing. #babysteps.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

900,000 Calories

A few blogs back I wrote about my "fattest moments." One of those moments was when I realized I developed obese eating habits. I described the first time I came home from work (i was a waitress) with to go food and ate the whole serving of potato skins in the comfort of my home. I worked at that restaurant for 8 years. One time as I was doing something on the computer I discovered how to calculate how many total hours I had worked for the company. It was about 9,000 hours. I actually worked more than that because there was a long time I was on salary and didn't clock in, but for the purposes of this blog we'll stick with 9,000. I ate a meal every shift I worked there. The average burger and fries has 1,290 calories, but there were many times where I ordered something healthy, but drank sodas, so I'm going to use 1,000 calories per meal. My shifts were 10 hours on average, so this means I worked about 900 shifts in 8 years. 900 shifts * 1,000 calories= 900,000 calories consumed just from what I ate at work during those 8 years. That's a pretty staggering number. I worked there from '03-'11. I don't even want to think about how many calories I've downed over the years from fast food, beer, sodas, etc...

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Vacation to Fat Island is Over

Chips and dip. The greatest snack food in America. I've gone out to eat with my skinny friends twice in the last week. Both times we've had chips and salsa. I paid real close attention to how they dipped. I dipped when they dipped and I noticed something very enlighting about how they dipped. Word problem: 2 people reach into the chip basket the same amount of times, but one person eats half as many chips as the other person. How is this possible? The skinny girls broke their chips in half instead of eating a whole chip every time. Oooohhhh! I get it!
This might be common sense to most people, but remember I took a trip to fat island 8 years ago have yet to fly home. I am enjoying this journey so much. I love learning new habits that will make me a happier, healthier person in the long run. I wish I could hop on a rockett and zoom back to skinny land, but then I would miss all the sight seeing along the way. So, i'll just keep paddleboating home and soaking in all the new adventures along the way. And who knows? Maybe i'll meet a sea turtle along the way and get to ask him how old he is. Jimmy Plankton says they get to be about a hundred years old.

One Fugly Workout

Haha, one of the many reasons I love P90X2: they superimposed one of the workouts as "fugly!" If you've seen Mean Girls (great movie) you understand my appreciation for this.

Today I did Base + Back. And fugly it was!

At first I thought, oh, this one isn't that bad (remember, I am using resistance bands as a modification for the pull up bar). But then Tony said: "we're a quarter of the way through!" That's when I realized this one was gonna be fugly fo sho'. The whole workout alternates plyo and toning. I.E. you do 20 reps of some sort of jumpy lungy thing, and then as many pull-ups (or resistance band training), then back to plyo, then back to the pull-ups, repeat, repeat for an hour. Yeah, I can feel the soreness already. For lunch I'm eating blue corn chips with flax seeds and a grapefruit. I don't know why, it's just what I'm craving right now!

Swift Kick in the Rear

I really didn't want to get up and workout this morning. Then I checked my facebook and saw this on my news feed:

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Pulling the Triggers

I spent the day pulling objects that trigger me to get down about my weight. I need to be surrounded by happy, healthy motivational things. One thing that triggers me is seeing those three little letters all over my closet. You know which ones I'm talking about: xxl. It seems like every hanger I own yells "you're a fattie" as I peruse through my closet...

I've had enough of that. Looky there, they come off!

A few chipped fingernails later, goodbye triggers:

Another thing that triggers ill emotions is the amount of space all my skinny clothes take up in my closet. I used to think that if my small clothes were in my line of sight it might be a nice reminder, but instead it pisses me off that I have so many clothes, but so few things I can actually fit in.
I pulled all my skinny clothes out of my closet for storage for now.

Since my journey is all about learning to adapt, form good habits and love who I am, I can't have things in my house that make me feel anything less than adequate.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Never let it Rest

"Good, better, best. Never let it rest. Until your good is better and your better is best." ~Tim Duncan~
Those who know me well know I am a huge Spurs fan. Tim Duncan is one of my favorite athletes. He is such a team leader and never ever ever gives up. He gets back on his feet and never seems to look back at his mistakes with regret. I wish I could look at my mistakes the way, professional athletes do. They rewind and examine and figure out how to prevent the same mistakes in the future. I wonder what it would be like to have footage of my slip ups and the moments leading up to them. I can review my "plays" over and over again in my head, but unless I can actually see them unfold, it's almost like white noise. Pictures of me right now are kind of like footage of my life. Nothing slaps me in the face like seeing a blob on facebook tagged with my name next to it. Especially when I think I looked good! You know, that feeling when you realize you actually didn't look as good as you thought?? Yeah, that happens to me a lot. One more reason why I can never let it rest. Not for one second. Every second counts for me.

Friday, March 2, 2012

The Fitterati

Go to and vote for my blog!

Thursday, March 1, 2012

The Dreaded Health Screening

What's the point in having an awesome job with awesome benefits and awesome insurance if you don't use it? My company offered free health screenings yesterday and I begrudgingly made myself suffer through it. Good thing I did because it turns out I lost 5 whole pounds in the month of February! My cholesterol, glucose levels, and all that other junk were in the low risk area! The only things in high risk area are my blood pressure and my bmi, which I expected. I hate going to the doctor because they seem to blame EVERYTHING on my weight. I swear I could go for in for sunburn and they would find some way to blame it on my scale results. So, point being, this is good news. I can't help but wonder what the screening results would be had I gone before I packed my bags for this journey.