Friday, June 28, 2013

Weigh-In Day!

Today was the big day! For two weeks I have been working so hard to get those 5 pounds off that I  gained.  Well guess what!? I've lost TEN pounds! Woo Hoo!!!

I started crying so hard today when I got off that scale!! All my hard work actually paid off. I have been so good for the past 2 weeks- better than I've ever been before for that many days in a row. I am so motivated now!

For two weeks I did not eat a single thing after dinner, stayed away from alcohol and sodas. No fried food. And drank tons of water. I stayed within 1600 calories a day and I made sure I exercised regularly. That's it! How simple is that?

I'm going to weigh in again in 2 weeks. I want to lose 10 more!

I have been absolutely terrified of this day all week. If I had not lost any weight or if I had gained I would have freaked out. I was at absolute 100% for the entire 2-week span. I was so scared that my absolute best would not have been good enough. Well it was and I plan on making it better!

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Egg White Pizza w/Garlic Tahini Sauce

 The technical name of this dish is Egg White Pizza with Boomsauce.  
Boomsauce is a term I like to use interchangeably with things I think are awesome. For example: if you wake up to really good news and want to share it with someone immediately, you call them and say: "want some boomsauce with your breakfast?" They will say yes. 
Today I was in the mood for something awesome. This is what I came up with:

 Since I am working my tailfeather off to lose 5 pounds by June 28th, all I can think about is pizza. This Friday is my big weigh-in day and for two weeks I have been so good. I really did not realize how much pizza I eat until I took it away from me! This recipe is a great substitution for the real thing!

Servings: 2
Calories per serving: 323

The What:

1 1/2 cups egg whites
2 tbsp fat-free Greek yogurt
2 tbsp tahini
2 tbsp butter, melted
8-10 fresh garlic cloves, peeled
1 tsp Oregano
1 tsp basil
1/3 cup diced white onion
1 scallion, diced
1/3 cup banana peppers, diced
Salt and Pepper
0-Calorie Cooking Spray

Crushed Red Pepper for taste 

The How:

•Pre-Heat oven to 350 degrees F
Peel garlic cloves and bake in tin foil for about 25 minutes

Cook until brown and tender

•Heat small round skillet on low-medium with cooking spray. Pour 3/4 cup of egg whites into skillet. Flip halfway through. Cook until egg is very sturdy and slightly browned. Don't burn! Cook rest of egg whites same way so you have two crusts. You should be able to pick it up without it falling apart. 

•Heat another skillet on low-medium with cooking spray. Sauté Onions, scallions, and banana peppers with a little s and p until slightly browned.

• Finally, the SAUCE! Heat tahini, greek yogurt, oregano, butter, and basil on low heat until combined (about 7 minutes). Stir very frequently! It will probably look a little icky and separated but that's ok! Throw the tahini mixture and the baked garlic in a food processor until a thick creamy mixture is formed.

•Now you're ready to fix the pizza! Spread the Garlic and Tahini on the crust, then top with the scallion mixture, top with crushed red pepper, and dig in! A serving size is one pizza.

If you cook the crust properly, you will definitely be able to pull the pieces apart and pick up like a normal pizza!

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Dog Days of Summer

I'm trying something a little different as a part of my journey to health. Everyone seems to love it when I include my silly poodle, Ziggy, into an entry. So for those of you as puppy crazy as I am... It's like Christmas in June! A while back, Purina asked me if I would be willing to test out their new "Light and Healthy" dog food brand. At first I thought it might be a little too gimmicky, but then I realized that this could actually be a lot of fun! 

Ziggy is coming up on his 10th birthday this fall, but I definitely want him to be around for a long time! To be honest with you, I haven't exactly been the best dog owner when it comes to his health. He's never been overweight or underweight, but when it comes to his exercise, I seriously slack off. The first obvious reason is that until fairly recently, I myself was slacking in the exercise department. So I thought: if I'm working on MY health, why not include my little man? 

I've never really tried long runs or walks with him because he's so small and has a history of back problems. But that doesn't mean we can't give it a go! I think this will be a fun distraction for me and who knows- maybe Ziggy will become famous and make me millions! :) 

Purina sent me this really cool kit to help me monitor his own healthy journey and the biggest bag of food I've ever seen! 8 times the size of food I usually buy. So that's exciting :) Dog food is expensive! The "Light and Healthy" brand claims to be healthier than other types of dog food because it's lower in calories, steam cooked at the start, and made with real chicken. 

So here's the plan: every Tuesday for the next few weeks I'll write a post about Ziggy's progress! 

Week One:

Ziggy likes the food...


but NOT the walking! He was DONE at 1,711 feet. 

I accidentally had the petometer set on feet instead of steps. So I guess that's what I'll be sticking with. He was panting so heavily I felt so bad for the little booger! We literally had to stop three times for him to rest!

So after a standoff, I turned us around and had to carry him.

He walked a total of 3,978 feet and boy was he ready to be home!

They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but we shall see! 

Go ZiggyTron3000!!

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Snack Attack

Remember my post about serving size vs. portion size? Here's a perfect example! I'm snacking on pretzel twists and queso dip (which is awesome btw, and better than tortilla chips). My portion is 18 twists and 4 tablespoons of queso, which is 310 calories. The actual serving size is half that (9 twists and 2 tbsp). 

So, if I'm going to eat more than the serving size, what does it matter, right? Here's why: instead of just ignoring the serving size altogether if you know you're going to eat more, establish a reasonable "portion" that you can work with. 

Do I need to eat a 310 calorie snack in between meals? Especially if it's while I'm plopped on the couch watching old Monk episodes? Hell no. Am I doing it anyway? Uh yeah. It's Saturday. It is important to prepare a "portion size" on these "bigger than serving size" occasions so that you are still conscious of how many calories you are consuming. 

Friday, June 21, 2013

Cottage Cheese and Honey Waffles

My delicious pancakes this week made me want waffles. I don't really understand the difference, but waffles always seem so much tastier than pancakes! This recipe will blow you away. They don't look pretty, but they taste AMAZING. Use fat free/sugar free ingredients and toppings to eliminate as many calories as you can. Every calorie counts!

 "Star" shaped ended up being the best method for the texture. To make them star shaped, just plop a spoonful in the middle of the griddle and close the lid. 

The What:

One cup fat free cottage cheese
One egg + 4 egg whites
One tsp vanilla extract
Two tbsp honey
3/4 cup whole wheat flour
Two tsp baking powder

The How:

Purée first three ingredients in food processor. 
Add honey, flour, and baking powder. Process until smooth. 
Heat waffle iron. Spray with non-stick cooking spray. 
Plop mix by the spoonful in middle of griddle and close. Bake until both sides are golden brown. 

This will make about 8 waffles. A serving is 4. 
I topped with cinnamon and light syrup, which added 50 calories. 

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Working Out at Home

I get it. Going to a gym is stressful. Especially when there are hot little twig bitches gloriously sweating all over the machines you cannot yet master. Sometimes working out at home is the best option. It was hot as hell today. I wanted to workout in shorts. No way in hell was I going to go out in public in shorts. So, I worked out in my living room. I blasted an Abba vinyl and went to town. And I gloriously sweated all over my laminate floors :).I added a few pictures of the ones that my words may not explain very well. Ignore all the wobbly bits of course :)

Here is an awesome at home workout that only takes 15 minutes. Do as many reps within the minute as you can.

•1-3: Alternate Running in place/Jumping Jacks

•3-6: Arms.

 Minute 3: Bicep curls with a band (stepping on it with one foot).

Minute 4: Tricep dips 
(use a chair/back of the couch, etc...)  

Minute 5: Push-ups

•6-9: Legs. 

Minute 6: Squats 
Minute 7: Lunges
Minute 8: Wall sit (do in 20 second intervals if you need to)

•9-12: Abs

Minute 9: Supermans with weights

Minute 10: Ab rolls with exercise ball

Minute 11: Planks. Do in 20 second intervals if you can't hold for a minute

•12-15: Cardio
Minute 12: Jump Rope as fast as you can
Minute 13: Do as many mountain climbers as you can
Minute 14: Do as many burpees as you can

Rest in between minutes if you need to. 


3 in a Row!

I will lose 5 pounds by June 28th. I am not getting on a scale until then. I want to see absolute proof that what I'm doing is working.

 Ok, so I weighed this past Friday (the 14th), realized I've actually GAINED five pounds, and made a plan to lose 5 in two weeks. 

The plan? NO eating anything after dinner. This means no eating out of boredom when I get home from work. Exercise. A lot. No alcohol. Drink only water, tea, coffee. No fried food. No fast food. 

It's been a week (well almost), so how am I doing? Pretty good. I drank light beer Sunday night. The Spurs game was on! Give me a break!! Lol. I've been exercising, but I can do more. It's been a week since I drank a soda. I literally don't remember the last time I had fried food or fast food. Repeat: I DON'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I HAD FAST FOOD OR ANYTHING FRIED. It could be two weeks or three weeks- I haven't the slightest. Which means I haven't been paying that much attention to those things. Which means... they are losing importance to me. But the most important thing is that I haven't eaten anything after dinner for THREE DAYS! 

As a guy I work with said last night: "No eating after dinner? That's a no-brainer! Dinner is your last meal of the day. Done." I realize how hard it is for some people to understand the significance of this. But for me, this is a huge step. I have been emotionally eating for as long as I can remember. 

As I was lying in bed one night this week I realized that I was legitimately hungry. Not emotionally hungry, but good old fashioned, tummy growling, hungry. It was easy for me to tell myself no. It's amazing to me that it is harder for me to say no to emotional hunger than it is actual hunger! Doesn't make much sense does it? During the work day I can tell myself to wait to eat my afternoon snack, even when I am really hungry (tummy growling). But when I get bored at work and I want a snack from the vending machine it's like a world war happening into head to say no. Crazy, huh?

I figure that if I can get through this first week, next week will be a "no brainer!"

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Portions and Pancakes

Sometimes I crave Chinese food like a mofo. The other night at dinner was one of those times. Instead of spending money and clogging my arteries with 8 servings of New China Dragon Moon Wall, I settled for a frozen Chinese entree (a frozen entree I bought last weekend in anticipation of this craving). To make this dining experience seem more authentic I grabbed some chopsticks. When I poured the meal into my bowl my heart sank. The portion looked TINY in my bowl. There was so much extra room for more food if I had more on hand! 

Instead of caving into the craving for more, I sat down and ate. I ate the whole thing. Know what I didn't feel afterwards? Guilty. It is so nice to eat without guilt, something I rarely feel. Which is crazy. The truth is that the bigger the container is, the bigger the portion, hence the more available. To control portions, you have to control your environment. Note: Serving Sizes are not the same as Portions.

 "In the contest between environment and willpower, the environment always wins." -Bob Tshannen-Moran

If my HOME environment isn't helping me control how much I eat, how can I learn to control it outside of my home? As a test I made a serving size of Quinoa. Barely reached the halfway mark in my bowl! Infuriating.

I need to change my home environment! 

"It's easier to change your environment than it is to change your mind." -Brian Wansink

This whole ordeal took me back to my week at Hilton Head Health and a lecture I attended on Portion Control. The speaker had so many key points that I need to constantly need to keep in mind. 

-Find strategies to knock out a couple hundred calories a day. 
-Use smaller plates as a mindless eating trick for smaller portions.
-Dish out 20% less food than normal. You won't notice the difference. 
-Erase the "clean your plate" tape in your brain. You can waste food or "waist" it. 
-"Without portion control there is no weight control."

To kick things off, I practiced a little portion and environment control this morning with pancakes! Can you think of a happier food to experiment with? Nope.

I found a basic recipe for pancakes on and modified it a little bit as part of my "strategy to knock out a couple hundred calories a day." Instead of  1 1/4 cups of milk I substituted non-fat Greek yogurt and water, used wheat flour, and left the egg out. By doing that, their recipe went from 421 calories per serving to 346. They weren't as fluffy as I would have liked them but they got the job done and were delish. I could've substituted an artificial sweetener for sugar but I didn't have any. I rarely use sugar for anything at my house, so I never think to buy Splenda!

346 Calorie Pancakes
Serves: 3

The What:
•1 1/2 cups wheat flour
3 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
•1 teaspoon salt
•1 tablespoon white sugar
•1 cup lukewarm water
•1/4 cup non-fat Greek yogurt
•3 tablespoons melted butter

The How:
 •Whisk everything together. No need to get fancy. 
•Heat skillet on medium heat with cooking spray (I use Olive Oil spray obviously)
Measure out EACH pancake into 1/4 cup before you pour into the skillet

•Pour into skillet and flip when edges become golden and batter starts bubbling up

This mix made 9 pancakes, which I divided into 3 servings. Yes they're kind of small, but this is a serving size. 

I dressed my pancakes with 6 medium strawberries and 1/4 cup of light syrup, which added 120 calories. I could've cut the syrup portion down but I just looked at the serving size and poured it on. Proof that serving size does not always equal portion size! I could've eaten a smaller portion than the serving size and been fine. I had a ton of syrup left over.

As I was getting ready to serve myself I started thinking about my dishes...

Would I have another frozen Chinese moment? Would I feel deprived if there is plenty of extra space on my plate for more?

Maybe I should use my small plate- trick myself into feeling more full? Research shows that people eat 20-30% more from large plates. I put my pancakes on the large plate and the small plate. The small plate just looked better because it filled the whole thing up. As simple as it seems- your plate size can make all the difference in how much you eat. 

Big Plate. Pancakes look tiny. 

 Small plate. That looks better.

Monday, June 17, 2013

Don't Give Up

We're all guilty of giving up on goals we set. We get bored, tired, forgetful, lazy, sad, mad... We part with all the motivation we once had. Those deadlines pass us by, leaving us wondering why we try. If we all do it, in unity, on opposite sides of the world, then we can all change. Together. A history teacher I had in college started her first day of class with the saying "there's nothing new under the sun." This is especially true of human nature. While we are adaptable, we have to really work hard on making changes that stick. Nothing we go through is new. There is someone else who has experienced the same struggles. In a way, I find this comforting. If there are millions of people out there struggling with food addiction, depression, forgetfulness, laziness, sadness, or anger in the same way I am, then there must be millions who have overcome it.

It amazes me at how many repeats I play over and over in my life. It seems like the same thing every time. I get upset about being fat. I swear I will change and I make a plan. I'm going, and I'm going hard. I lose a little. Then I fall off. I get back on, new plan, get upset, fall off... over and over again. I fall off the same way every time and each time I "solve" my problems in the same way. I eat the same comfort foods, I develop bad sleeping habits, I drink. OVER and OVER again. I never meet my goals. Where does the motivation go?

I am determined to keep going this time. I came across this saying on Pinterest today and it really hit home: "Don't give up on what you want most for what you want right now." This has me written alllll over it. I am the most compulsive person in America. I promise you. I NEVER think about the future and the side effects my actions right now will have on me. So, I broke it down into what I want most all the time and what I always end up wanting "right now."

Don't Give up on What You What Most:

Being Thin
•Long Life
•Cute Clothes (yes, this is one of them :)
•Being Comfortable

•For What You Want Right Now:

•Chinese Food
•Ice Cream
•Peanut Butter (don't judge)
•Fast Food 

If my "right now" always ends up being the same things over and over again, then it should be easy for me to start saying no. If I'm reaching for the phone to order a pizza I need to quickly realize that it is not conducive to meeting my long-term goals. Note the difference here: if I plan on ordering a pizza for dinner early on and it is not out  of compulsivity, then I can deal with that. It's those "gotta have it right now" moments that keep jamming my future up. The good thing is that "right now" quickly passes by and you can hit repeat to get back on the bandwagon. The bad? The future you have planned gets further and further away.

The most important thing is that we DON'T GIVE UP. No matter how long it takes us, we have to finish. Even if we are on repeat we must keep going. Even though it may not be clear right now, we learn something every time we try. 


Sunday, June 16, 2013

I've Gained 5 Horrible Pounds

The good, the bad, the ugly. That's what this journey is all about. Learning to keep the good going, controlling the bad, and stopping the ugly. Lately I'd say I've been bad. Not totally ugly, because I have had spurts of good. I haven't been exercising as much as I need to be and my food intake has been less than perfect. I met with my trainer on Friday for an assessment. I've gained 5 pounds since my last one, lost an inch in my waist, gained an inch and a half in my hips, upped my BMI, and slightly lowered my body fat percentage (.02%, so for those of you about to say I probably gained muscle. Not really). 

As you can imagine, this was a shitty way to start my weekend. I realized I had one of two choices: get depressed and beat myself up... or get good again. I decided to return to good. The first step? Discover why I've been bad. That was easy: work has been a little frustrating lately. I am an extremely career driven gal and work means everything to me. That could be a part of the problem. So how have I been "dealing" with this problem? Late night snacking. So, now I have 3 problems: 1) Letting work frustrate me 2) Forming a bad habit of late night snacking and 3) 5 pounds that I busted my ass to get off have landed their ugly faces on my hips (literally). 

When MC (my coach) measured me she asked if I could feel the gain. I honestly told her no. I thought I would have lost some! Crazy. I am so glad I was able to see this for what it is. On Thursday night (night before my assessment) I went to the store to get dishwasher detergent after work. I came out with this:

See that bag of chips? I ate it all. See that dip? Licked it clean. The soda pop? Drank half of it. I did actually need coffee creamer. Once I stepped into the grocer, washing dishes immediately became the least of my priorities. All I could think about was what kind of shit can I get to snack on? Next thing I knew I had almost forgotten dish washing liquid, was at the Redbox, and then on my couch mindlessly snacking and watching Safe Haven. Snacking until my hand came out of the bag empty handed. Snacking + Nicholas Sparks? What am I? A masochist?

At my assessment all I could think about was if I HADN'T binged on chips, dip, and soda, how different would the results would have been? My chip chomping session began about 11pm Thursday night and my assessment was at 7am Friday morning. I hate to be inappropriate here, but I hadn't had my, er, "post-coffee routine" yet if you know what I mean... Maybe the gain was faux??

After realizing that I may never know the answer to that, I admitted to my coach (actually both coaches, I think it was a planned intervention lol) that I have been doing the dirty late at night: eating instead of solving what's bothering me. They both suggested some alternative snacks at night. One of them said hard boiled eggs and the other chimed in in agreement. At first I thought they were kidding. Who the hell ACTUALLY snacks on an EGG? Well, these two fitness queens were dead serious. 

Ok, I'll try it:

Uhmmmm... Not convinced. 

S & P, 0 cal hot sauce should be good...

I was pleasantly surprised. Cooking the eggs gave me time to think about what I was doing. After I got over the initial hump of needing to snack, I was able to eat because I was a little hungry. Because I had it portioned, I was forced to stop before I ate enough to turn myself into an angry hen. 

Next step? Make a plan. 5 pounds down by June 28th. I got do that. Do the good that got them off in the first place. Control the bad, and block out the ugly. 

Friday, June 14, 2013

Getting Fit With "Fitspiration" and SMART Goals

Remember a while back when I asked for a few guest bloggers? My wish was granted! Michelle Pino with Skana Spa in Upstate New York emailed me with this awesome idea. Below you will find her entry on a creative way to set some goals. Her "fitspiration" board can be a source of motivation for wherever you might need a reminder. I'm going to make one and set it as my background on my computer. The one I made for myself is at the very bottom. So get to reading, and thank Michelle for taking time to share some ideas!!

Getting Fit With "Fitspiration" and SMART Goals

As many health experts know, there are a lot of people who want to get physically fit yet fail to do so. While the reasons why they are not successful in their ventures can be diverse and complicated, one of the primary factors that entails failure is a poorly devised goal. In order to be successful in accomplishing a fitness goal, it should be SMART: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound. When all of these elements are present, the individual who has devised the goal is much more likely to accomplish it.

In addition to making use of SMART goals to accomplish one's fitness goals, making use of fitspiration principles can be advantageous. In short, fitspiration is a principle, which involves creating an inspiration board as a tool to motivate you as you attempt to exercise and make healthier choices. As many know, it's easy to say that one is going to start eating well and working out consistently. Making these goals a part of your permanent lifestyle, however, can be more challenging. This is the case for several reasons, including the fact that habituation often leads to the maintenance of unhealthy behaviors. Creating an inspiration board can help break the ugly cycle created by these bad habits, however.

While the idea of an inspiration board might seem complex, it's not. The inspiration board is a board you can decorate with images or photos of places, people, or things that make you want to jump up and work out. You can select your images from a wide range of places, including printouts from internet pages and fitness magazines. When you choose your photos, make sure you select ones that really motivate you rather than simply selecting a picture of a spinning machine because it pertains to fitness. If, for example, a famous athlete with great deltoids inspires you to get excellent arms, select that image. And if eating healthy is the aspect of getting fit that you find fun or intellectually stimulating, select an image of a beautiful, colorful salad chock full of fresh fruits and nuts.

After you select the images you want, choose your favorite and place it at the inspiration board's center. This will be your "anchor" image, or the one that functions as the theme for the entire board. Once you've selected your anchor image, you can place all of the other images you've selected around it. You'll probably find that some of the images are not thematically related to the anchor image. You can discard these or save them for use later. After you've arranged all of the remaining images in an aesthetically appealing way around the anchor image, you can hang your inspiration board in a highly visible place. In so doing, you'll have a constant motivating factor, which will encourage you to work out. As your fitness goals change, you may find it advantageous to remove some images and put up new ones.

For many people, accomplishing fitness goals seems impossible. It doesn't have to be, though. By using fitspiration principles and SMART fitness goals, you can start feeling great and looking good in no time. Good luck!      

Here is an example:

Photo sources:
·         Everyone has his or her own source of inspiration, but to me the outdoors is my inspiration, so I’m using this as the anchor of my motivational board.  As part of my initiative to spend more time doing activities outdoors, I’ve started to learn to golf at Atunyote, a New York golf club near my work. I usually golf 9 holes, it’s nice to be able to spend most of the time walking. What I like about it is that it’s a leisurely sport, nothing too strenuous.  
·         Love this quote, so simple, yet so true! Source: Do What You Love
·         An easy to way to stir up some motivation is to treat yourself to some new workout gear!  Choose fun colors that will make you excited to show them off at the gym! Source: Sneakers
·         Your body needs nutritious foods as fuel for when you exercise.  A great source of clean eating recipes is Clean and Delicious.  They have delicious recipes along with instructional videos including a clean chicken & veggie stir-fry recipe. 
·         Park of my initiative to spend more times outdoors this summer is to go for simple walks, or a leisurely bike ride.

Here is the Board I made for myself:

This Happiness quote is one of my favorites. It is such a good reminder to enjoy things on the way, instead of focusing on the end result. The top right photo of food is a picture from Hilton Head Health, to remind me about my awesome experience that yummy food doesn't have to be food that is bad for you.  Under that is Camille Leblanc-Bazinet, my "girl crush" lol and Cross fit queen. She is my health and fitness role model. To the bottom left: kettlebells. For crossfit, no surprise there. In the bottom middle: a creppy picture of folks in the swimming leg of an ironman race. I will complete and IronMan before this life escapes me. and finally, to the bottom right: my happy place, the beach. 

Want More of Me?

I can't figure out how to get a widget for my Vine profile, but if you want to follow me on there my profile looks like this:

I will be posting food and fitness videos on there before they make the blog, or the Facebook, or the Twitters, Pinterest, Tumblr, or whatever other user-generated website I get bullied into joining! Lol. 

But just do you know, I might post a few newsie videos too, since my smart phone    ain't so smart about letting me synch more than one twitter account! Or maybe it's me! Ha!

P.S. I have some awesome posts in the works for ya! Including a vey special guest blogger! So stay tuned!!

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

115 Calorie Breakfast Tacos

I know, I know... I have a serious obsession with turning everything I cook into some sort of Latin-inspired dish. This morning I had every intention of just making a boring plate of scrambled egg whites. Next thing I knew, I was adding hot sauce, onions, bell peppers, and cayenne pepper. This breakfast "taco" was so shockingly awesome I may just make another one for dinner tonight! I don't think I'll ever use sour cream ever again. I have been substituting fat free Greek yogurt for about a year now and I absolutely love it.

The What:

 •Wheat Pita (I prefer Joseph's- they are 60 cals each)
•1 tablespoon of nonfat plain Greek Yogurt
•Handful of diced bell peppers and onions
•3 tablespoons of egg whites (I used the kind in the carton)
•Teaspoon of calorie free hot sauce
•Cayenne Pepper to taste

The How:


Ok, just kidding. I'll explain. I was experimenting with my Vine App :)

•Scramble egg whites with hot sauce, cayenne, bell peppers, onions, and salt and pepper. Set aside on paper towel to drain.
•Heat pita (it might look gross, but I just used the same skillet I cooked my eggs in. It's all going to the same place anyways). 
•Put egg mixture in middle of pita, plop the Greek Yogurt on top, fold like a taco and enjoy!

Monday, June 10, 2013

Fat Thoughts

I don't think skinny people understand how many everyday things big people have to take in to account. 

Only my fellow overweight folks will understand the fear brought on by one of these:

Or these:

Yesterday afternoon I caught a matinee with some of my girlfriends (Fast and Furious 6 btw. It was awesome :). They were already seated in the theater when I got there. As one of them motioned over for me to sit next to her, I had a mild panic attack. Since it was a theater, it obviously had theater seating...the worst.  I felt a wave of panic come on as I quickly had to find a discreet strategy for not knocking her drink and popcorn over with my butt and or fupa as I wiggled into the seat. To my surprise: 2 seconds later I was comfortably seated and her drink and popcorn were spared. The seat was big enough and I actually wasn't hanging over into her personal space. A few pounds down works wonders, especially in a crisis like this! It is absolutely ridiculous that these thoughts constantly swim in and out of my brain. I am PARANOID that I'm going to break a barstool, or that one of those stupid plastic patio chairs will stay attached to my overflowing bottom sections when I get up.

 Sometimes getting dressed is a better workout than actually working out. Have you ever tried to put on pantyhose at 300 pounds? I swear I look like Moist from Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog by the time my fat rolls are secure into a pair of tights.

Which by the way, I just realized that he plays Howard Wolowitz on The Big Bang Theory (The More You Know).

 A group of friends and I rented a pontoon this weekend for a day on the lake. It was so much fun but there were those lingering "fat girl" thoughts going in and out of my head all day. There was a slide on the back of the boat that everybody enjoyed but me. My best friend swore I could slide just fine, but I refused to face the embarrassment of either breaking it or getting stuck halfway down. Folks were doing flips off the top of the boat, a trick I would have OWNED had I not let my rocking gymnast body go to waste. I, of course, had to wear one of those granny swimdresses while literally EVERY other girl in our party rocked a bikini. I tried so hard to just have fun and not let these things bother me but the monkey chatter was going 90 to nothing in my head.

I know that I should focus on all the positives but it's really hard. Coming up this July 4th my friends and I are taking our annual rafting trip. We go tubing and I curse myself for not being any smaller that I was the year before. Tubing and rafting while you're overweight is so uncomfortable. Especially the tubing part! There is no comfortable way to sit in that inflatable hole of hell unless you are thin. My butt's too big to plop in the middle of it, my legs and my gut are too big to sit indian style in the middle of it. The water is too shallow to just hang on with your arms...

These are the things that I end up focusing all my attention on instead of just enjoying the moments I am lucky enough to be a part of. I never really realized this until my fears have been proving to be wrong lately. Like being comfortable in the theater, or seeing a picture of me in that granny swimdress I was so self conscious of.. I didn't look so bad, did I?

I am so tired of being consumed with fat thoughts. I feel like I have to take my weight into account in EVERYTHING I do. What I wear: will I totally gross the general public out? Where we sit a restaurant: will I fit in the chair? Activities with friends: am I in good enough shape? When I hang out with friends: will I get enough to eat or will I have to be the fat kid to break the silence that it's time to grub?

A few weekends ago a group of us went to the Renaissance Festival. Which was totally dorky and amazing! There was a ride that looked like the best time ever. They wanted to get on it but I saw that there was a 250 pound weight limit. I was flooded with horrible memories of that time at Six Flags a few summers ago when I was too big for some of my favorite roller coasters. I immediately played it off, but one of the people in the group made a smart comment. I pretended not to hear. Obviously it bothered me, but what was I going to do? I'm the one who made it awkward in the first place for being too fat to ride the damn thing. I told them to feel free to get on it, but no one wanted to leave me in the crowd. I really wouldn't have minded them riding it! But once you get so deep into that conversation of  "no really, go ahead, I'm fine, etc..." it's better to just move on.

Shoes. I literally have to think about my weight when I shoe shop. As a 20-something year old girl, this is the ultimate disappointment. I should be rocking every new style that comes along. But there's no way in hell I would be able to stroll along in this for long. Not that I necessarily would, but I'm just saying...

Luckily, kitten heels are making a comeback this Spring :)

I could keep going with my fat thoughts, but I won't continue to depress you.  Let me tell you about some good things now. A good friend of mine pointed out a picture of me from this time last year, noting the difference in my face. He then told me how much weight he can tell that I've lost and how proud of me he is. This meant so much to me: A) because he's a guy, and guys just usually don't get all mushy b) because he told me right at a time when I have been really down lately. Here's that picture he was talking about (btw, this is him in the one directly below :):

And here's a picture of me from a couple weekends ago:

Apparently I had a better tan this time last year lol.

As hard as it is to focus on the positives, I have to. I cannot afford to let that negative fat chatty Kathy in my head get the best of me. I moped all day yesterday because I was feeling so down and fat. My condo looked like it could be on an episode of Hoarders. I woke up this morning refusing to fall back into old habits. I have come too far to let something like a damn intertube make me feel inferior to skinny minnie friends. They love me for who I am- why can't I?