Have you ever taken a close look at the ads Facebook generates for you?
I had not paid the slightest bit of attention until all these started popping up recently:
First of all: Thank you, Facebook, for reminding me that I am single. As if I don't get made aware of that every damn day.
Secondly: Fuck you, Mark Zucka-whatever. Who said you could come all up into my life? I mean, is someone actually sitting there scrutinizing me so much to the point that they think that I need some meat head claiming they accept "curvy women only?"
Ugh.
How did Facebook generate these ads? Was it based on my search history outside of Facebook? Was it some technologically advanced picture screening machine that told their marketing department I am a fat single girl? No matter how it's done, it's offensive.
Coincidentally enough I recently watched the documentary "Big as Life" on the Discovery Channel. I didn't like it. I found myself getting very angry at the people featured in it, and at obesity in general. There was one part in the movie where this very overweight lady was discussing the whole "BBW" thing ("Big Beautiful Woman"). Please understand that I am not discrediting people's ability to love themselves, no matter what body they're in- that's not what this is about. I have mad respect for those men and women.
Yes, there are some men out there who genuinely prefer "curvy" or "thick" women over skinny women. And I am thankful for them, as I will never be "skinny." Thin and healthy, yes. But skinny- ain't gonna happen. The clouded belief that obesity is beautiful is so messed up that I just cannot begin to fathom it. I think it comes from my years and years of self-loathing because of the body I have put myself in.
I will NEVER be able to love my body as long as I am as big as I am. I don't love this body because I know it isn't me. It is a form of me that I am hiding under as I deal with a whole bunch of crap in my head.
If I don't love my body, how can I expect a man to?
In that documentary there was some sort of fat women's support group. One of the girls talked about how there was a whole section of their group devoted to men who only want big girls. There were women who were literally over 400 pounds saying that they were beautiful and that they've never had any problems in the "man" department. One woman who was almost 500 pounds says that she lost a lot of weight at one point and "didn't like it." She claims she didn't like the way her face looked because she could see her cheek bones for the first time. I'm sorry, but I call bullshit. Big time.
The reason we are obese is because we are out of control. It may not be "food addiction" or some sort of technical disease, but the lack of control is the underlying factor.
These women who claim they are BBW... if they TRULY love themselves and can be 100% OK with their 200 pound overweight bodies, then props to them. Seriously. I mean that.
I never got to the point where I was willing to accept that the fact that I was happy at 330 pounds.
Note: Please realize that I am not talking about women who are just overweight here, I am talking about women who are actually "obese," like myself.
We don't get to the point where we weigh 300,400,500 pounds because we just have so much love for ourselves!
There is nothing pretty about heart disease and diabetes.
There is nothing pretty about not being able to fit into an airplane seat.
There is nothing pretty about not being able to play with your kids.
There is nothing pretty about getting laughed at because of your folds.
Most importantly: there is nothing pretty about a fupa.
It is not pretty and sexy to tip the scales. STOP glamorizing obesity.
Is this sexy? No.
Here I am in my underwear. I am putting myself out there for those of you who may be afraid of what your mirror might say about you. I will probably regret this picture later, lol-- but if I can encourage just ONE of you to join me in this journey, then I have won the day.
Face the truth.
I am not saying that I think every fat person should starting hating themselves right now.
What I am saying is that we have to stop making excuses for ourselves for being unhealthy. It is NOT someone else's problem that there is no room for them on a bench because I am overlapping into their personal space.It is MY problem that I have allowed myself to get to this point.
Instead of giving into the notion that we are just "big and beautiful," and that's the way it is, we need to BELIEVE that we are worth the effort of getting healthy.
Yes, there might be a man out there who loves you for who you are, no matter what size you are. But do you really want a man who only wants you because you are fat? That just sounds crazy to me! Why in the world would someone want to be in a relationship solely based on the amount of cellulite someone has? And how is that any different from a man saying they only date skinny women?
Love yourself first. But love yourself because you are being the best that you know you can be.
