It's Just a Pull Up

So why can't I do just one!? One teensy little pull-up?? I knew the day would come soon... the day where my IronTribe coach would write "pull-up" on the WOD (workout of the day) board. Today was "AMRAP," which stands for "as many rounds as possible" of pull-ups, pushups and overhead squats. I had to use the thickest band in America to put my foot in to help do the pull-ups. Since I was going for AMRAP, I ended up skipping the band because I had to get help putting my foot in it because the band is so short (the shorter the band, the more help it gives you). I had to do these sissy jump to the bar things from a box that were super embarrassing and my wobbly bits were jiggling all over the place. It was 5 pull-ups, 10 push-ups and 15 overhead squats, as many rounds as possible in 10 minutes. I did 6 2/3 reps in 10 minutes. I was really beating myself up because I can't do a pull up and I was having to use my knees for the push ups. I wasn't tired and my muscles weren't hurting, it's just that I weigh so damn much that my body limits me! It is the most frustrating thing in the entire world. When it came time to report to Coach how many rounds we did I was dreading saying it aloud and then watching him write it on the board. Because, see- it's written up there for all to see:

But then... I was pleasantly surprised to learn that I was right there in the middle. There were people who did 5 rounds and there were people who did 8 and 9. The other girls were using their knees for the push-ups, too and there was one other person in the class who had to do the sissy box jump pull-up thing as well. This made me feel so much better and I instantly quit punching myself in the face (metaphorically of course). But this is why I am so addicted to Iron Tribe. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. Yes, there are super in shape guys in the class who can do all the exercises no problem, but for the most part we all have at least one thing we're really good at, while others struggle with it. I love the team feeling and I really hope that I can continue with it until I reach all my goals. Right now I just want to be able to do ONE pull up. Just ONE! I have NEVER been able to do one. Even when I was a college cheerleader and in crazy good shape I couldn't do one. I worry about the class after Iron Tribe 101 and if I'll be able to do it. They might make me re-do 101! Oh my, what if I fail?? These are the dumb things I worry about. I push myself and I WANT to be the best and not being able to the things that everyone else in the class can do infuriates me. I become obsessed and it's all I can think about. Lacey and I walked tonight on our "dinner break" and it felt so good. We decided that we have to get back into that habit. Just those 20-30 minutes of getting up and moving around makes all the difference in the world. I HATE sitting at a desk alllllll day. Ok, so next on the writing agenda: food and weight. I had a bad weekend. I'm super broke right now so I couldn't really go out and do a lot of stuff so I basically had to just sit around and do nothing. I WANTED to be productive, but my biceps were so freakin sore from the Iron Tribe workout from Friday, I literally could not straighten my arms saturday or sunday. I had to force myself to do laundry last night and it hurt just to pick up the basket! I kind of ate like shit all weekend, too. I didn't binge on fast food or pizza or anything, I just ate a lot of junk food at my house. For example: I had blue corn chips and salsa and I ate the whole big ol bag in two days. Plus sun chips plus ice cream plus pita chips and hummus, all instead of snacking on carrots or fruits. I woke up this morning wondering how I was going to survive IronTribe with my biceps all a fire but I made it through. I didn't get much sleep last night and it REALLY makes a difference in how I perform. I was also pretty dehydrated from the weekend (too much wine saturday night). When I got back from my workout this morning I was so disgusted with how I ate this weekend I decided to "help my house help me" as this week goes on. I went straight to my fridge and organized all my nutrisystem food in a way that will be easy and encouraging to stick to it:

I reorganized my stones in my pounds lost jars- adding 3 big ones with big milestones: "250," "200," and "150." I cannot wait to get to put the first big milestone stone in the jar:

As far as food goes, I'm still really enjoying Nutrisystem. It has helped me with portion sizes so much. For example, today I've eaten: banana nut muffin for breakfast, chicken salad on leafy romaine with bleu cheese dressing, chicken alfredo pasta with broccoli and carrots and I will eat some kind of hundred calorie pack when I get home. Here was dinner:

I had a co worker tell me today that I am starting to look really good and it totally made my day.

Finding What Works

So many people have been begging me to write another blog- I am sorry to have kept you waiting! I don't know what my hesitation is all about, but I have just been seriously disconnected the past couple of months. I haven't fallen off the wagon- that's not what's been happening, don't worry :) I'll jump right into what's been going on with me. I've been doing Nutrisystem for the past couple of months and I love it! I've been wanting to try it for years but just never got around to it. It has really taught me portion control. At first I would look at that tiny little lasagna box and giggle out loud that they actually thought this ridiculous portion was going to fill me up! I really started observing my coworkers and how they eat. I wanted so badly to be one of those people that can just come into work, eat my lunch and be done with food the rest of the day. I finally have gotten to the point where I don't feel the need to constantly snack throughout the day. My appetite has decreased tremendously and I am actually not ravished by the time I get off work! The Nutrisystem food is definitely not meant to be for long term because it is so full of sodium, but I think I have finally trained myself to be satisfied after a normal portion of food. I add veggies to the meal when I'm really hungry and I add my owns fruits as snacks throughout the day. Even though I never really drank regular sodas to begin with, I know that diet sodas have their sins, too. I used to always have a fridge stocked with diet soda, but now it's only water. My face has cleared up somewhat, too- so that's a plus! As far as exercise, I am so excited about what I'm doing now. all year long I have tried so hard to be one of those people who can just go to the gym, or go for a run, or go for a bike ride as part of my daily exercise routine. I'm just not that kind of person. I enjoy running and going to the gym and riding bikes, but not as my everyday, lose weight routine. So... I joined Iron Tribe! Iron Tribe is exactly what I have been searching for but didn't know it. Those of you who know me well know that I was an athlete growing up. I was a cheerleader, gymnast, dancer, tennis player, basketball player all rolled into one. I LOVE team sports and I really miss that. After I stopped cheering in college people always told me that I was going to have to watch my weight because without that team accountability, the pounds would just pile on. And they did! Because I had ALWAYS been a part of a team, I didn't have to exercise on my own... I had a coach and 15 other people making me exercise! Iron Tribe is perfect for me because I am with the same "tribe" 3 days a week. Right now I'm in "Tribe 101, " which is a month-long class, 3 days a week, teaching us the fundamentals of Iron Tribe. It's kind of like Cross Fit, if you're familiar with that. I get up at 5:30 am every Monday Wednesday and Friday and drive to Brentwood for the classes. It is so encouraging to see the same people at every class, with everyone cheering each other on, holding each other accountable... like a team! I am a very competitive person, so I always want to be at the top of the class. The workouts are short and intense- the kind I like! There is some cardio, but not much; it's more like sprinting, which is what I'm used to. I am absolutely obsessed and I plan on staying a member for a long time. At first I was really skeptical about getting up so early after getting off work so late, but I enjoy it so much it is easy for me. After almost 11 months of me trying to get in shape and really turn my life around, I think I have finally found what works for me. I have lost a total of 25 pounds since the beginning of the year! I have lost and gained, and lost and gained since January, but as of November 12, 2012, I am 25 pounds lighter than I was on January 1st. I expected to have lost at least 50 this year, but I'll take 25! The most important thing is that I haven't given up. After a few injuries and some hard blows to my self esteem this year, there were moments where I just absolutely wanted to give up and say screw it all. This year has been such an amazing one and I have learned that I really am the luckiest girl in the world. I have so many people who care about me, most who I don't deserve their love. I have changed so much this year on my journey to be happy and I am so grateful for those who have been a part of my life. I know I can do this, and having supporters there beside me is the most amazing feeling in the world. If I continue eating my normal portions and stick with Iron Tribe, I fully expect to lose 15 more pounds by the end of this year. I will keep you updated! Here is a picture of my tribe doing runner's stretches:

Today's workout was jump roping, front squats and ring dips. We're supposed to be able to do this double under thing, which is the rope going under your feet twice per jump. Yeah, I couldn't do that- but it's something for me to work towards for the next workout! As far as the ring dips go, I tried to look all suave like Vince Vaughan circa Old School:

But I definitely ended up looking more like this:

But that's the thing about Iron Tribe: now matter how good you are at one thing, there's tons more that you can improve on next time!

Anchor Calls Bully out on Live TV

Since I work in television news, I feel obligated to post this story. A local News Anchor received a letter from a viewer that said this: "It's unusual that I see your morning show, but I did so for a very short time today. I was surprised indeed to witness that your physical condition hasn't improved for many years. Surely you don't consider yourself a suitable example for this community's young people, girls in particular. Obesity is one of the worst choices a person can make and one of the most dangerous habits to maintain. I leave you this note hoping that you'll reconsider your responsibility as a local public personality to present and promote a healthy lifestyle." The anchor took this opportunity to address the viewer's email on television. You can find the video clip here: (http://jezebel.com/5948276/the-best-thing-youll-see-all-day-local-news-anchor-has-on+air-message-for-man-who-called-her-fat) Since I am in this business, I will not express my opinion on this specific incident via my blog, but I am curious as to your thoughts. I will, however, give you my personal experience as an overweight newsperson.I have worked at every position in a news room there is. I have been a reporter, a photographer, a truck operator, a producer, etc... Feedback from viewers comes often and is usually not very nice. People have a certain opinion on how on-air personalities should look. As a reporter, I was only allowed to track my news stories without showing my face because of my weight. After a while my weight wasn't coming off, so I decided to stick with the behind the scenes stuff. I often wonder how different my life would be had I just lost the weight a few years ago and continued to pursue the dream of being an anchor. How would I have dealt with an email like this? With my current position in the newsroom I handle viewer concerns directly and one of the most common comments I get are based on how the female anchors look. How they do their hair, how they're dressed, the list goes on and on. If I had really been serious about my career as a reporter/anchor I would have had to have lost a lot of weight before a News Director would let me do stand-ups, as opposed to just voice tracking. How obsessed with my looks and how self-conscious would I be right now if I had lost weight at the start of my career? The emphasis people put on looks really does make me sick, but I am not naive. Your looks determine how people perceive you. If you look like a lazy slob, people will assume you are a lazy slob. If I am standing in front of a camera telling a news story I need to look credible and responsible. Being overweight is not responsible. Often I wonder if I will go back to reporting once I lose weight. A part of me says hell no just out of pure spite of the whole system, but another part of me wants to give it another go just to prove to myself that I can. For a long time I was so angry and jealous at thin reporters who got an on air position just because of their looks. Especially when I had to run camera for them instead of telling the story myself! I felt like my writing was so much better than theirs and I definitely worked harder than they did. I spent a lot of time being angry at News Directors and other reporters instead of addressing the real problem. I miss being in the field for sure, but do I want to go back to facing this kind of public scrutiny? Would it help me stay in shape out of fear of mean viewer emails? Who knows. My story is still being told. For shits and giggles, here's me running live camera at an election at my first TV gig back in Birmingham:

I Want YOU! To write a Post!

I'm looking for a few contributing writers for my blog. If you're interested, let me know! No deadlines and I will let you pretty much have full range of how you want to do it. Here are the subjects I'm looking for: 1) Pregnancy and Health. I am looking for a woman who is currently pregnant and is struggling with the pressures of being healthy and pregnant. I would also like for the writer to delve into all the different methods, superstitions, guidelines, etc... out there and how they are dealing. 2) Diabetes. I want someone who is diabetic to write a general entry about how diabetes affects their life and how important a healthy lifestyle is 3) Parents and the health of their children. I want a parent to write about how they deal with being a good influence on their child/children. What is this biggest struggle you face? Is it school meals? Fast food? Sedentary lifestyle? Free range... 4) Someone who has lost a lot of weight and kept it off. Just tell the readers how you've changed your lifestyle around and kept it that way. 5) Military. How has the military changed your life as far as diet and exercise. Please pass along to someone you think is appropriate! It doesn't have to be long, just tell me your story!

Sorry I've Been M.I.A.

Ok, so it's been over a month since my last post. I'm so sorry, I've just been in a weird mood lately. Sooo.... where to start? I'll start on my second triathlon that I did August 18th. I totally killed it! I cut my time nearly in half from my last one in May. This time I got in the water to warm up first (because we all remember what happened at my first triathlon!) It was the biggest pool I've ever swam in. The lanes were really long, so it was extremely tiring. But I rocked at the swim. They put you in swim groups based on your estimated swim time with the goal of staying with that group throughout the whole leg. They do this so that it keeps folks from running over other swimmers. My race number was 81 and I finished with the 80s, which is exactly how it's supposed to work. This was a huge accomplishment for me. At the last triathlon there was a woman there who out swam me and she was in this race. I passed her in the pool this time because she was resting on a lane divider. Made me happy :)Since this was my second triathlon, I was more familiar with what I really needed at the transitions, so that shaved off a ton of time. Now for the biking: when will they stop calling these routes flat!?? So not flat. It was so hilly. But unlike last time, I wasn't scared to push myself. I really pedaled to the medal and I even got to say "on your left!" to a few folks I passed. Speaking of passing, some bratty lady had a bike bell and would ding the damn thing when she wanted to pass someone. How douchey can you be? It had some of us cracking up. Anyway, moving on... I injured myself 1/4th of the way through the biking and I was freaking out because it really hurt and I got scared for what it meant for my run. My p.o.s. mountain bike is really jumpy when I change gears sometimes and my feet were still pretty wet from the swim. Well, the gears jumped, causing my foot to slip and it got caught in the pedal or something. Whatever it did, it hurt like hell and I limped for two days. Luckily my adrenaline was pumping hardcore that it didn't bother me at all during the run. It was so awesome to start my run while there still a ton of people biking. My first triathlon there were only like 2 people behind me, which was so discouraging. During the run I really pushed myself and it felt great. I love all the people on the sidelines cheering strangers on. It really helps. And of course, since I'm a big 'ol sap it always brings tears to my eyes. My best friend Amy came to cheer me on- which also made me tear up :) As I was putting my bike on my car bike rack, an older man came up to me and said the sweetest thing. He told me he didn't know why I raced that day and it was none of his business, but he was proud of me and that we all have our reasons for doing stuff like triathlons. He was a big and tall man, probably in his 70s. He said that he had a life changing experience a few years ago when he had serious health problems that forced him to get healthy and lose weight. He said he wasn't ready to leave the world yet and starting racing and now he volunteers at races to cheer other folks on.

Me and Amy:

So what else is new? Well, I have to say thank you so much to everyone who has asked me about my blog and told me that you've missed my entries. You really have no idea how much this means to me. I've been walking a lot and taking it slow. My back was really hurting there for a while and it scared me. Sometimes I forget that I weigh nearly 300 pounds and I push myself to limits that my body physically can't handle. It's like wearing heels. I love wearing heels, but I have to wear more supportive shoes because of my weight. This really pisses me off. I hate not being able to wear heels to a night out on the town! Luckily I live in Nashville, so I can get away with some cute cowgirl boots! I've also been doing Nutrisytem and I love it! I've been observing my coworkers and their eating habits and I've been trying to mimic them. I work with a lot of very healthy people and they encourage me to be better. At first I was just so amazed that they could come in to work and not eat a thing all day until their lunch (which is usually a Lean Cuisine) and then be done with it! I mean, that's ALL they eat! Whole shift! That's 9 hours, 1 time to eat. As my friend Lacey said: that's normal. What's not normal is my eating habits. I used to feel as if I had to eat every couple hours in addition to my lunch or else I would get too hungry. Well, now I just bring my Nutrisystem dinner in and that's all I eat and I'm fine! I still get hungry when I get home from work (remember I work 1:30pm-10:30pm), but I set out a snack on the counter, so it's there when I get home. I also have actually been craving healthy food when I get hungry. I went to the grocery store the other day to get some football game-day snacks and all I wanted was carrots and hummus. I've had several compliments this week from people saying that they could tell I've lost weight. It feels so good to hear that! Sometimes I just wish I could wave a wand and be done with it because this is so hard and slow. I have to go to war with myself every time I eat. I am so tired of feeling so inadequate every time I am in public. I just hate being around my thin friends sometimes it makes me mental. I feel so gross and it's like I stand out so much. I hate it! I love my friends, don't get me wrong- I'm not mad at them or jealous or anything, it's just so hard to be around thin people sometimes. I get so mad at myself that it just makes me incredibly depressed. I always make myself get over it, but it's just so hard. I can't wear what I want to wear because I feel I have to dress in a way that will conceal me, not make me stand out anymore than I already do. Moving on: what else has been going on... I went to my 10 year high school reunion a few weeks ago. I almost didn't go. It's the same story a lot of people have: I've gained so much weight since high school, I'm embarrassed, blah blah blah. I made myself go because I really wanted to see everyone. I went to a small private school in Auburn, AL with a small graduating class. My school was K-12, so most of us have literally known each other our whole lives. I knew I would regret it if I didn't go. I also knew that I had to get over my handicap about seeing folks I grew up with. They're not going to care that I've gained weight and if they do then they're fake and not real friends anyway! And it was fabulous. I was soo happy I went! I got to see some childhood friends that I really miss. With Facebook, we are fortunately able to keep up with each other a little bit, but seeing everybody all in the same place together again was really nice. the guys were still giving each other hell just like they did in 4th grade and the girls were still just as silly and fun as I remembered. It was fantastic. Of course I was really self-conscious at first, but once we all said our hellos and had a few drinks, we had a blast. Here's a picture of me and a good high school friend, Ashley, circa 2001/2002:

And here we are at the reunion, August 2012:

She looks just as fabulous now as she did 10 years ago and I am proud of her. And she has a child! I admire women who can stay in shape and make healthy decisions. I am slowly but surely becoming one of those women. Feels good.

Food

I love to cook. That is not a secret. I also love to find healthy recipes that are mouth watering and don't make me feel like I'm just eating raw carrots.

French Toast is amazing, obviously. Wheat bread, tons of cinnamon. Cinnamon is so underused. Much better for you than sugar and tons of health benefits (google it).


English muffins are healthier that biscuits. Poached eggs are the healthiest way to eat eggs and the most delicious.


Seafood enchiladas. Wheat tortillas stuffed with shrimp, scallops, etc... Sauce is whipping cream with diced jalapenos and tomatoes. Green beans as side.


Maple Ground Mustard Chicken. Pan seared chicken with stone ground mustard and maple glaze.





Salmon and Brown rice



Salmon quesadillas. Plain Greek yogurt instead of sour cream.



Burgers are awesome. Make a slider, add a poached egg, fills you up and is amazing. Crispy yellow pepper fries.



Good 'ol veggies and chicken. Season it right and you can't go wrong.



Avocado is awesome on egg sandwiches.



Southwestern veggies on a salad with chicken and a few tortilla chips is way healthier than nachos.

Lemon pepper chicken and steamed brocolli and cauliflower. Tastier than you might think!

Stone Ground mustard chicken and grilled veggies. Great to make ahead and take to work. Way better than lean cuisine and doesn't have all the sodium.

Soul Food

Lately I've been discovering what my "soul food" is. I know that most people think of fried chicken and mac and cheese when they think of soul food, but that's not my definition. In my opinion, soul food is good old fashioned home-cooked goodness that reminds you of home. I think of the food that I grew up eating and that takes me back to my roots. I remember steamed veggies, snapper, seared tuna, red potatoes, shrimp pasta, salmon and Greek salads. This is what soul food means to me. I don't know where I lost my love for soul food along the way, but I am enjoying getting it back. Here are some pics of the soul food I've been cooking lately. I stocked my fridge with all of my favorite soul foods and I have had so much fun cooking back to my roots! Veggies cooked in olive oil, grilled chicken and beans, wheat bagels with low-fat cream cheese (ok, so that's not really cooking, but I have learned that if I have groceries in my house that I love to splurge on, I don't go out and binge on restaurant food near as much!), Grilled cheese, turkey, tomato and avocado sandwiches, chicken sausage with fresh peppers and homemade sweet potato fries! P.S. I've lost 2 more pounds :)