Hey, remember back in the day when I said I hate running?
Well, I still hate it, but in a different way. I hate it because it makes me an outcast. I want to be the best at it, and I want to be in its cool little club. So, like most things in my life that aren't working in my favor, I must make some changes!
I feel like running hates me, no matter how hard I try to be its friend. So like the annoying non-plastic girl trying to fit in... I secretly hate it, but I want to be it.
I have done a few 5Ks and triathlons, and I loved all of them. I enjoy the thrill of racing with hundreds, all trying to break a PR. I have a 5K coming up next weekend and I really want to break my own PR. The quickest I ever ran one in was 40-something. Maybe 46? So... please, running? Won't you be my friend?
I have been running every night on my dinner break for weeks now.
Don't worry, I have the selfies to prove it:
NOT GETTING ANY BETTER AT IT.
I am the slowest runner in the history of America. I ran the whole 5K distance today before work and it took me 53 minutes!! WTF? I want to be in the cool running club so bad, with the cool outfits, and the cool shoes... but it hates me. I feel that no matter how much I do it, I don't get any faster/better.
Another reason running hates me: I feel like I'm a damn circus act when I'm doing it.
I HATE running past people. Every single one of them ALWAYS has to flash me this "you go girl" smile. The one that just screams: "Hey! Fat girl running! That's amazing!!" That's not just in my head. I OBSERVE.
The same people who flash me that smile (and some give me a thumbs up, too) don't pay ANY attention to the twig bitches running. ONLY me. It's like: oh, the skinny girls- this is their normal, they do this all the time (OBVS), but the FAT GIRL- clearly this is her first time running ever. Therefore, I MUST flash her an annoying "you go girl" smile.
I have tried to be positive about this. I have even had thoughts that maybe seeing me run is the catalyst for someone ELSE to make a lifestyle change. Or maybe seeing me run was the little motivational boost some (I'm going to say it) little twig bitch needed that day to finish her run. I love helping people get healthy. It's what I do. These are things I should focus on. And hey, it's better than being made fun of, right?
All this is washed away by my pride when I get that stupid smile flashed my way. And if I see one more thumbs up I might scream.
Running hates me. I will never fit in.
After my nightly run yesterday, a co-worker asked me: "Hey, did you just go walking!? That's awesome!"
First of all: No. No, I did not go "walking!?" I went running. But, I'm not going to be the overly defensive clown who corrects her. So I smiled and said: "yep! thanks!"
Secondly: why is that so damn "awesome!?" People walk on their lunch/dinner breaks all the damn time. Since the beginning of time I'm pretty sure.
I know I'm being ridiculous, but I'm so tired of being the sore thumb of the running world. I want so badly to be able to run. Like, really run. I am paranoid that I'm going to blow a knee cap, or have a heat stroke, or die. In my crossfit workouts I have a running handicap of 8,000. It always slows me down. It's infuriating!!
I guess the only thing to do is to just. keep. going. And maybe if I keep telling running that I love it, it will love me back. Perhaps running has certain rules that I just don't know about yet. Should I wear pink on certain days? Run around in a santa costume? Who knows.
To prove my love for running here is an instagram picture I made:
And here is a Pinterest picture:
Speaking of my run today... it nearly killed me. My dumbass decided to go run a 5K at 11:30am. IN AUGUST. And there is basically no shade on the trail. I felt fine during the run. Besides sweating profusely. Once I got back in the house I got these crazy goosebumps and I felt nauseous. I almost blacked out in the shower and I felt like I was going to faint. No amount of water was making me feel better. I believe I was dehydrated. It was kind of scary. See?
Running hates me. She is a mean girl.