Friday, August 2, 2013

Running is a Mean Girl

Hey, remember back in the day when I said I hate running?

Well, I still hate it, but in a different way. I hate it because it makes me an outcast. I want to be the best at it, and I want to be in its cool little club. So, like most things in my life that aren't working in my favor, I must make some changes! 

 I feel like running hates me, no matter how hard I try to be its friend. So like the annoying non-plastic girl trying to fit in... I secretly hate it, but I want to be it.

I have done a few 5Ks and triathlons, and I loved all of them. I enjoy the thrill of racing with hundreds, all trying to break a PR. I have a 5K coming up next weekend and I really want to break my own PR. The quickest I  ever ran one in was 40-something. Maybe 46? So... please, running? Won't you be my friend?

 I have been running every night on my dinner break for weeks now.
Don't worry, I have the selfies to prove it:


I am the slowest runner in the history of America. I ran the whole 5K distance today before work and it took me 53 minutes!! WTF? I want to be in the cool running club so bad, with the cool outfits, and the cool shoes... but it hates me. I feel that no matter how much I do it, I don't get any faster/better.

Another reason running hates me: I feel like I'm a damn circus act when I'm doing it.
 I HATE running past people. Every single one of them ALWAYS has to flash me this "you go girl" smile. The one that just screams: "Hey! Fat girl running! That's amazing!!" That's not just in my head. I OBSERVE. 

The same people who flash me that smile (and some give me a thumbs up, too) don't pay ANY attention to the twig bitches running. ONLY me. It's like: oh, the skinny girls- this is their normal, they do this all the time (OBVS), but the FAT GIRL- clearly this is her first time running ever. Therefore, I MUST flash her an annoying "you go girl" smile. 

I have tried to be positive about this. I have even had thoughts that maybe seeing me run is the catalyst for someone ELSE to make a lifestyle change. Or maybe seeing me run was the little motivational boost some (I'm going to say it) little twig bitch needed that day to finish her run. I love helping people get healthy. It's what I do. These are things I should focus on. And hey, it's better than being made fun of, right?

All this is washed away by my pride when I get that stupid smile flashed my way. And if I see one more thumbs up I might scream. 

Running hates me. I will never fit in.

After my nightly run yesterday, a co-worker asked me: "Hey, did you just go walking!?  That's awesome!" 

First of all: No. No, I did not go "walking!?" I went running. But, I'm not going to be the overly defensive clown who corrects her. So I smiled and said: "yep! thanks!" 

Secondly: why is that so damn "awesome!?" People walk on their lunch/dinner breaks all the damn time. Since the beginning of time I'm pretty sure.

I know I'm being ridiculous, but I'm so tired of being the sore thumb of the running world. I want so badly to be able to run. Like, really run. I am paranoid that I'm going to blow a knee cap, or have a heat stroke, or die. In my crossfit workouts I have a running handicap of 8,000. It always slows me down. It's infuriating!!

I guess the only thing to do is to just. keep. going. And maybe if I keep telling running that I love it, it will love me back. Perhaps running has certain rules that I just don't know about yet. Should I wear pink on certain days? Run around in a santa costume? Who knows. 

To prove my love for running here is an instagram picture I made:

And here is a Pinterest picture:

Speaking of my run today... it nearly killed me. My dumbass decided to go run a 5K at 11:30am. IN AUGUST. And there is basically no shade on the trail. I felt fine during the run. Besides sweating profusely. Once I got back in the house I got these crazy goosebumps and I felt nauseous. I almost blacked out in the shower and I felt like I was going to faint. No amount of water was making me feel better.  I believe I was dehydrated. It was kind of scary. See?

 Running hates me. She is a mean girl.


  1. I'm a slow runner too. The best I've ever done is 46 minutes. I blame my legs ... claim I've got shorts ones. LOL

  2. You aren't alone! Running hates me too, or maybe I hate it, I'm not sure at this point. I am a freaking slow runner. I swear it takes me an hour to run a mile and I can't run a mile without stopping yet. You've got me beat lady, you're running 5ks. That's incredible! I still get the same thing you do, people just don't expect me to be out running. That's okay though because I expect them to not expect it and I LOVE blowing them away. You may be slow now but you fit in. Running isn't just for twig bitches, it's for anyone who wants to do it. As bigger girls we just have to want it more and work harder at it which gives us a leg up on the skinny girls.


    1. Thanks for your comment! Love it! You are so right! I love your last line!

  3. If you run slower than you can run for longer. Thats what I say :P