The way I look when I workout bothers the hell out of me. I am constantly pulling my shirt down, adjusting my sports bra to try and hide my back fat, pulling my pants up in case my shirt comes up, pulling my sleeves down, adjusting my hair, pulling my undershirt tank top up over the gross fat between my boobs and my armpits... it's so annoying!!! My crossfit gym posts our workouts on the website the night before. Most people just like being prepared when they walk in... I have to look at it so I can plan my outfit. I wish I could say it was for fashion purposes. For example: if we are going to be doing a lot of burpees I FREAK THE HELL OUT! Not because burpees suck, or because they hurt like hell, or because I can barely breathe after doing them---- but because there is nothing I can wear that will keep my wobbly bits from showing their fat ugly faces. I know that I shouldn't care, but I do. I HATE that I can't wear all the cute little shorts and tank tops that all the other girls wear. Again... I know I shouldn't care, but I do. I was Pinteresting the internet the other day and I found the cutest tank top that says "bombshell in progress." I was like OMG! I should TOTALLY get that! It's so cute!
Yeah... it was basically made for Baby Gap.
Oh yeah, I really liked this one, too:
I have gotten to the point where people can take pictures of me and I am not totally disgusted. I'm definitely not happy about the way I look, but I don't feel the need to immediately delete them and threaten the lives of their creators.
For so long when I'm roped into a group picture, it's like Where's Waldo when it comes to finding me I swear. I hide behind everything and everyone I can. Let's play a game. Can you find me in these?
This is my favorite one lol. Trust me I'm there!
It's so hard to tell people "no!" to pictures. You just look like an asshole. Then everyone starts being all like: "shut up! you look so cute! just get in the picture! when you're old, you'll thank me! blah blah blah."
Like this one below. I didn't know these girls yesterday. I sat down to be sociable, meet some new friends, have a fresh conversation, then BAM! My coach comes around with his camera. I'm not going to be the weirdo that shies away from pictures in front of my new friends. This is about the worst picture ever. It has all the bad components: food, sitting down, beer, bad angle, post-workout sweat, gross cleavage.
Yesterday (Memorial Day), my gym had an event called "WOD for Warriors." This was an awesome workout done at crossfit gyms across the country, raising money for Team Red, White, and Blue. Team RWB helps veterans basically get back into the swing of things when they return home from deployment. It was an amazing way to spend Memorial Day! I left the beach early to compete and I was so stoked! I had a cute little patriotic bow for my hair and I had on a bright red shirt. I was ready to feel good about the way I looked, the cause I was working out for, and ready to rock the workout! Well, the shirt I had on kept coming up, my tank top kept riding up and I didn't finish the workout. There was a 20 minute cap and we worked out with a partner. I slowed us down so much because I just couldn't get the burpees done quick enough. 10 more seconds and we would have finished! I was so mad. But then I started thinking about how awesome it was that so many people came to the gym to workout on their holiday and the money we raised. I quickly got over my hard feelings.
Then... the pictures and videos came.
Yep, that's me right there front and center in the red. Thunder Back fats a go!
Since I work in news, I had the advantage of getting us some event coverage. My editor thought it would be cool to have some shots of me in it when the story aired. I sat down to watch the news last night and I was HORRIFIED at the shots of me working out. Not just because my wobbly bits were jiggling but because the close up of me showed me adjusting and pulling at my shirt.
It was really depressing to realize how much I let my looks affect my workout. If I'm not comfortable in how I look, I just can't concentrate on the workout. Seeing this video really put things in perspective for me. I am not working out to impress people or to win a fashion show. If my lady lumps offend someone they can eat it. A few weeks ago I wore a dress a little shorter than I probably should have and my spanx kept showing every time I barely bent over. I was getting sooo annoyed at everyone who kept telling me they were showing and that I needed to pull my dress down. I didn't give a rat's ass about my spanx showing and they needed to shut up about it. Why can't I have this attitude when I workout? I think it's because I care so much about crossfit now and I want to do it 100%. I want to look like the badass I feel that I am inside. I know that eventually I will be able to wear the cute outfits, but for now it's just hard to see how gross I look while I'm getting to that point. Or, while there's a "bombshell in progress." From now on I'm going to just focus on killing the workouts, not on how I look doing it.