Monday, April 8, 2013

Resolve Dissolves in Alcohol

"Resolve Dissolves in Alcohol." This is a quote I learned at Hilton Head Health and it is shockingly true. I am so down in the dumps right now because I have not lost a single pound since I got back from fitness vacation. I haven't gained, but I haven't lost. Which is the whole damn point in trying! The factor to blame is alcohol. I know it is. I have had wayy too much to drink since I've been back. I'm not blaming just the drinks themselves for the lack of losing, because I've done well to stick to wine or other low calorie choices. But along with alcohol comes bad food for me. I get tipsy and the munchies attack with a vengeance. Not because I'm hungry, but because the behavior that comes along with drinking for me is fried, or other forms of bad food.

Weight follows behavior.

This week my weight followed the behavior of drinking too much and consequently making poor food choices. I have eaten fast food twice, and I ate out at THREE different restaurants! This cannot continue. I worked too hard last week just to ruin it all on a weekend. The good news is that I did not gain any weight when I stepped on the scale this morning, but not losing any weight is not acceptable. I know how to lose  and I have the tools to do so.

So, as much as I love the stuff, I need to really limit it. It's not worth ruining everything I've worked hard for.

On a positive note, my best friend and I kayaked for about fours Sunday and it was so much fun! I know we had to have burned about a bazillion calories. That's what I love about the weekends. They are a great excuse to engage in an intense physical activity that you can really push yourself doing. During the week you don't have time to go on a 3 hour hike or play in a 2 hour tennis tournament!  I love to explore new places and try out new activities on those glorious Saturdays and Sundays.

While I was kayaking I had kind of an epiphany. At my health retreat we talked about 'compressed morbidity,' which is basically the theory that the healthy live long and die fast. The unhealthy die sooner, but have a longer death (think fatal disease, like emphysema). The speaker had us think about something that we love to do and to imagine a quick, peaceful death doing that thing we love. I thought it was an extremely disturbing thought, but I went with it. Then I realized that there is not any particular thing that I just LOVE to do more than anything else. I mean, I feel that I am a pretty adventurous person and I like to do many different things! I do love to be on the water. Preferably the beach, but I'll take a lake or a river. I have put off kayak trips because I was honestly scared that I wouldn't fit in the damn thing. Do you know what it's like to have to sacrifice doing things you love because you are physically unable to enjoy them? I think back to my trip to Six Flags when I couldn't ride some of the rides because I was too big. I made a pact to myself that I will no longer let my weight get in the way of what I love to do. The other day my friend and I talked about riding horses and I said no because I don't feel right putting this much weight on a horse. I don't want to hurt the animal! I am so tired of feeling limited because of my weight. I have to account for my weight in everything I do. If I want to wear high heels out, I have to make sure that I will be able to sit down the majority of the time. I absolutely hate this because I end up just wearing flats mostly. Parking is absolutely horrendous in Nashville- there is NEVER anywhere to park near where you are trying to go and so I have to prepare to walk to wherever I'm going. I'm ready to get to the point where that doesn't matter. I'm tired of surrounding my life around my weight. I will not let my weight control me anymore. I am in charge!

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