Wednesday, January 2, 2013

2012

A generic blog entry would start off with something like this: Whew! I can't believe how quickly this year has flown by! It seems like just yesterday I was ringing in 2012! Well, generically speaking, this is exactly how I feel. I am not where I imagined myself being at the start of 2013. I thought I would for sure be halfway to my ideal weight and a lot happier. The past two months have been hard. I knew this day was coming- the day where I had to face the fact that I failed myself again in reaching my goals. I have been really mopey about this. Then I reared back and slapped the shit out of myself. Let's take a look at what all I HAVE accomplished this year. 1) I completed TWO triathlons! Numero Uno:
And Deuce:
2) I've lost 20 pounds. Ok, not the 50 I wanted to lose in 2012, but Still!!
3) I learned portion control. This is my most notable achievement. Why not the triathlons? Because I am an athlete. I can workout like a mo'fo' and can probably kick your ass (seriously, test me). Eating is my number one problem. I love food. I eat when I'm bored. Hungry. Tired. Sad. Mad. Depressed. Happy. And on and on... I have been doing Nutrisystem the past few months and I love it. At first I looked at the teensy portions and thought they were a joke. But in hindsight I look back at my old portions and I get a little nauseated. I honestly used to believe that I HAD to eat every two hours to avoid headaches. I used to look around at my co-workers in awe that they were satisfied with only their dinner they brought with them. Now I might have one snack at work and I am completely satisfied with a sensibly portioned dinner. I am still hungry by the time I get home (which is generally 4 hours after dinner), but I have learned what is and what isn't acceptable to snack on when I get home. 4)When I get the urge to binge my mind is able to overpower the emotion. I have said no more times than I've said yes. 5) Iron Tribe. I graduated Iron Tribe 101 and now I am a member of the tribe! I get up at 5:30am 3 days a week and drive to Brentwood for a 6:30am workout. If you're wondering what Iron Tribe is, then you clearly have not been around me the past month. Because I'm OBSESSED and it's ALL I talk about! I have finally found the workout that sticks. It is crossfit, but so much better. The scores for each tribe (franchise) are posted online daily and you can see how you measure up against other tribe members at other locations. There are days I leave the workout in heaving sobs because I hate having to modify the exercises and I am so ready to be in shape it frustrates me to no end. But then most days I am so proud of myself I leave beaming like a moron. The workouts are geared to where it doesn't get easier. Ever. The Wods ("workout of the day") are the same for each franchise and vary daily. They design them so that each muscle group gets a killer workout each time. Here's me with my Tribe on the day of our graduation:
6) I don't think I've smoked a single cigarette all year. I'm pretty sure I've taken a few puffs under the influence, but not for real smoked :) Not that I was ever a real smoker- I just pretended to be when I drank. 7)Sodas- I was never a huge soda drinker to begin with, but I next to never have any now. I constantly have a bottle of water in my hand and I get a little pissy when I forget to bring water with me to work. 8)I have come to terms. Meaning: I am able to look myself in the mirror and see how unhealthy I am. No more rose colored glasses. 9) I realized that I can't compete with skinny. I have never been skinny and I never will be. Even as a college cheerleader and in the best shape of my life I was far from skinny. A guy I really like is in love with one of my very skinny friends and it breaks my heart. When I noticed his feelings I felt my world explode around me into tiny little pieces of razor sharp glass. I told myself that he is in love with her because she's skinny. Skinny. And I'm fat. I can't compete with skinny. Never ever will I be able to compete with skinny. And you know what? This is true. 100%. Some guys just like skinny girls and they will always choose skinny girls. They are not the guy for me. Just like I prefer athletes-- skinny guys are not for me. I am OK with this. New paragraph: Despite the fact that I did not reach my weight loss goals in 2012, I am pleased with the changes I did make. It took me a year to learn some of the little things that healthy people don't think twice about in their daily routine. I am looking forward to 2013 being MY year.I don't really do the whole resolution thing, but if I did- my resolution would be to 180 everything. I'm going to completely change the way I do all things I'm unhappy about. This goes for EVERYTHING. The only way to change the way things are going is to change. Simple as that. For far too long I have been chained to habit. When I crave something bad for me, I am going to think of what would be the total opposite and indulge in that.

2 comments:

  1. Iron Tribe sounds great. I wish we had something similar where I live. As for the guy, you're right, if he prefers skinny over any other type of girl (smart, funny, plump etc.), then you can do nothing about it. And you don't have to. Because there is a guy (or plural - guys) who will be ready to die for you just the way you are. Good luck with 2013! I always look forward to your posts :)

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    1. Aw thank you so much! I just checked out your blog! Good stuff! Thanks for the sweet words and good job to you! You look great!

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