Monday, June 11, 2012

Signs from Somewhere

Do you believe in signs? No? How about divine hints? If you're thinking that I'm about to write some quacked out version of "Heaven is for Real," I'm not. It is safe to keep reading. I do believe in God and I do believe that He interacts with us somehow. Exactly how, I'm not sure and I'm not trying to figure it out. All I know is that I have been given signs from somewhere the past few days and I think I am going to take them as a blessing. Ever since my triathlon I have been in a serious funk. My mom was in town and we got in a huge fight over our celebratory lunch. I threatened to go all "Ya-Ya Sisterhood" on her and divulge the details in my blog, but after mulling over the possible detriment that would cause to our relationship, I decided against it. I'll leave it at this: the past three weeks I have been depressed over our fight, and I am hurt by many of the words that were exchanged. I felt like she doesn't believe I am really trying and that she doesn't think I can do this on my own. I have written before that I will not ever take the easy way out in anything in my life...especially losing weight and getting healthy. Gastric Bypass and Lap Band surgeries work for thousands of Americans every year, but I am not looking for this type of solution. Physical solutions will not ever be able to solve the disparity between my emotions and food. Even though the scale doesn't show a ginormous change, the changes in my head are enough to fill a state. Like, at least the size of Georgia. I actually crave water now, and I am listening to my body when it needs it. I am so observant about food. I am disgusted by the habits of some people when before I might not even notice it because I was perhaps doing the same thing. When I am hungry, my cravings have changed drastically. I honestly get a little sick when I think of pizza now, when before it was always my go to comfort food. Yesterday was the dreariest Sunday ever. I wanted to lounge around and do absolutely nothing all day, despite all the crap I needed to take care of. I decided to order delivery lunch. I pulled out a couple of menus and I surprised myself by ordering a grilled chicken salad! Me, the person who gets annoyed at the thought of people paying restaurant costs for salads! And you know what? It was delicious! So was the wine, might I add. When I go out with friends, I am conscious of what I'm ordering to drink, where before I couldn't care less how many empty calories I consumed in beer or whatever. Saturday night we were drinking bushwhackers and all I could think about was how many calories were in each one!!! Now to the whole signs thing... Friday I was really down and I was actually looking online at some weight loss procedures. As I was getting ready to email a doctor, my friend Samantha sent me link to a blog: It literally brought tears to my eyes. This girl's blog is so inspiring and it made me sick at myself for even considering resorting to surgery. She posted a video of her reaction to reaching the weight loss goal of 100 pounds. That, of course, brought tears to my eyes too. Underneath the video she writes: "This weight was lost the healthy way: exercise, nutrition, and motivation. That doesn’t mean I stopped enjoying life and food. Yesterday I had 3 skittles lol." Friday night I swore that I would not let depression lick me and ruin everything that I've worked so hard for. I got online and registered for another triathlon and vowed to get back on the wagon. The weekend didn't go so great because I had to work Saturday and Sunday was so blah. I haven't been sleeping well at all the past few weeks and a co-worker told me that I always look tired these days. She's right, I've looked like hell because I haven't been sleeping at all it feels like. I can really tell the difference in my energy when I don't exercise. On my lunch break tonight I went for a 20 minute run and it felt so good! When I came in to work today there was a book sitting on my desk:
This book was sent to us in a press release and I think I'm going to read it. It's about another lady who has lost over 100 pounds the right way: eating healthy, exercising and changing her lifestyle. Oh! And she also blogs :) If these two things aren't signs, then they're definitely divine coincidences! I have actually gotten to the point where I enjoy the feeling of being hungry. Not because I like the physical feeling, but because it means that I am actually eating when I'm hungry and not when I just want to put food in my mouth. The pang of hunger is also evidence that I haven't binged recently. When I binge eat I am not hungry for the rest of the day, or night, or even the next morning. It's been so long since I've been consistently hungry at meal time and it feels great. Usually I am snacking so much throughout the day that I'm not even hungry come lunch or dinner. I'm going to wait a few days to weigh, but when I do, I'm going to get back to weighing everyday. It really holds me accountable.

1 comment:

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