Saturday, April 28, 2012

Change of Faces

This picture was taken in the fall:

This picture was taken this past weekend:

Notice the shrinking double chin? Babysteps. I recently had to reiterate to a close one that I am not looking for any "quick fixes" or temporary diets. Yes, it is sooo frustrating to see slow progress when you want the end result more than anything in the world! But progress, it still is. This is so much more than just about losing weight. I am slowly but surely learning how to live, eat, and play like a normal, healthy person. I yearn for the day that I can eat at parties without feeling judged, eat a cookie without feeling judged, or not feel judged any time I eat in public. The other day I was out with a friend and I heard some douchebag say: "you are a large woman" to his friends, directed at me. Surprisingly, it didn't hurt my feelings and all I could think of was: I wonder if he would still say that if he had any idea of the steps I'm making to improve my life? If he knew how hard this is for me? Or how many positive changes i've made? But then I thought, no- because he's just some worthless asshole that only feels better about himself by making others feel bad. But then, I had yet another thought. Him and I are not so different. He obviously struggles with something inside himself and his way of mending it is hurting others. I struggle with my own problems and I mend them by harming myself through binge eating and being lazy. Either way, we both harm someone. I'm going to change face next time I am facing a problem. I will think of that douchebag, and instead of harming myself, I will do something nice for someone.

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